That's Just Wrong!

So there I am dreaming about nothing in particular...probably about sleeping...when I was awakened in what could be the rudest way imaginable! I don't want to go into particulars or give away the punchline just yet, but let me say that I either need a taller bed or a shorter dog!

I am a nice guy. I let the animals live in the house. Food, water, shelter, every day! Is it too much to ask for a tiny amount of respect or even a little common courtesy? If I were sleeping and a person took a large wet sponge and ran it across my face I would be less than pleased! So why is it that when the dog comes and greets me with his big wet tongue, I get up and give him food? Who is training whom? (I threw the extra "m" on "who" to make me seem smarter...or British. I think I may have reversed the order of how "who" and "whom" are supposed to be used. If so, that was on purpose too.) Back to the doggie in the bedroom.

Aside from already being awake, getting up has something to do with self preservation. Fudge, our chocolate lab, (fudge...chocolate...get it! Aren't we clever!) has certain behaviors...he lacks an ability...he is sort of... Let's just say he has issues. If I don't get up he gets upset. If he gets upset he takes it out on himself and mopes, sticks to us like glue, and stops going to the bathroom outside. Not that he starts to go inside. He just stops going. Until his dog-sized bladder hits maximum density and starts to leak. Poor thing. Then it is a big ordeal to get him back to a normal pattern again. All in all, better to let him out when he wants.

Well this morning was a little extra special in the wake up department...but first let me tell you that I am allergic to cats. A kitten once climbed across my chest (I was in college and needed the money) and poked its claws into me on accident. That's what kittens do. I swelled up at the tiny little poke spots and it felt like someone had placed radioactive sand in my eyes. Awful!!

So our cat's name is Friska...getting a sense of the hierarchy? Just kidding. Apparently I am allergic to kittens and multiple cats in an enclosed space. Seriously, I'm fine. No need to call A.P.S. (children's protective services for adults)

Our cat has issues as well. I mentioned before that the cat will stay hidden all day. At night, the cat comes out. She lets us know when she is out and especially if we have altered her routine in any way. Friska likes to sleep in our bed, all night, on Sylvia. Help yourself cat. Not trying to get "cat bed" added to my job description.

The cat also provides a valuable service as far as the dog is concerned. The cat is the keeper of the special box. (stop reading now if you are squeamish, eating, or just want to) You see the disgusting dog seems to think that the special box is full of Almond Roca (Guess there's one book sponsor I can kiss goodbye!). We have to watch him like a hawk to keep him out of there. At least it is not outside where Fudge seems to think Eau De Cat Poop is THE scent to have! Usually just as we are about to load him in the car for a lengthy trip. Apologies, but I did warn you. So now the dog and cat have a symbiotic relationship. It's a beautiful thing.

Now we come to this morning again. I wake up to a cold tongue on the face (refer back to previous paragraph...eww!) so I roll over and the dog starts to roll on my pillow that has fallen on the floor (given his usual choice of rolling item, I find this particularly insulting). When I face Sylvia, I greet the cat, sort of. The cat has gotten up and is now saying hello to Sylvia. Let me lay this out. Sylvia, asleep. Cat between us giving Sylvia kisses. Me, trying to get my face away from the dog turn to greet the end of the cat that does NOT give kisses! What was it that Rodney Dangerfield used to say? I don't get no respect. Do you feel my pain?!

Animals!!

OK, it's time to start getting ready for church. Today is a special day and I have made something for somebody. If I were to give you a million years and a million monkeys with typewriters you would never type out what it was. You could, of course, recreate this drivel with one monkey in about an hour. Not that I know this for a fact!

Hey!...did I mention that we just got a monkey? (he sleeps in our bed)