Focus, Focus... oh look pie!

I know it is a little premature but I have come up with the first line of my future book. This is quite a coup and it may seem a little weird to only have the first line, but that is usually how I start these posts. When I start to write these I have one idea, I start to write, and hold on as I go sliding around on the greased water slide that is my brain! I rarely know where it is going to go.

What do you mean "No kidding!"? Should I be insulted? No offense taken.


It's strange, I have always been able to just make up stories, but usually found that real life was at least as hilarious, so I can just tell about that.


I used to have the kids tell me random things, colors, animals, imaginary words, whatever...and then I would make up stories to tell them. This was a fun way, for me, to amuse them on some of our marathon drives across the country. Luckily the kids were too young to try to trip up dear old dad. "OK, tell me an animal."

"Woolly Mammoth."

"Tell me a job."

"Quality control specialist in a artificial Christmas tree factory."

"Ok, now tell me a color."

"That special shade of purple that happens in the Arizona desert just before sunset but before a rainstorm."

"ummmm....Who wants to play I Spy!?"



In my college writing classes I used to love the assignment that gave us opening lines and then told us to "GO!!" In fact I think it would be fun to get first lines from people and then write blogs, but using the lines. I could get people to send them in from all over the world. I mean, I now have 6, count them, 6 followers. At that rate I should be set to take over the worl...I mean write a book... in no time!

Let me take this time to talk about the word "follower" for a brief minute...Well it may be brief, I am not sure how fast you read...But I digress. What's up with "follower"? Having followers implies that there would be a leader. I'm not sure I am qualified to lead anything but a long line of kindergartners to an assembly. Picture a really tall mama duck (yes, I said mama...I think dad ducks are absentee, but I could be wrong) waddling around a school with 27 little ducklings wandering around behind. So anyway ("anyway", by the way, is my mental equivalent of shaking my head and hearing the cartoon sound effect "boyy yoyy yoyy" as I try to remember what I was talking about. Ah Yes, "follower." Let's jump ahead to next week when the movie about my life, (The Late Phil Hartman will play me) has won an Academy award and they call me up to the stage. What am I going to say? "I would like to thank my followers." I think not.

And while I am on this subject, does being a follower do anything but let me know you are there? (thank you by the way) I signed up Sylvia to be a follower just to see if she got e-mails or something when I posted something on here. As far as I can tell, bubkis! My sister wrote to me to let me know that as well. I can't figure out how to make it send something automatically from here...maybe I could set up an e-mail list that I send out whenever I add something, and you (you know who you are) could send me a message asking me to add you to it.

ANYWAY!!! Oh yeah, my writing and story telling is all over the map. At our last disaster drill for the school, I was responsible for watching two classes, my class and my buddy class ('wassup Tamiko'). It was trying to rain and not really succeeding at that but it was succeeding at soaking the grass. We all moved to the blacktop. Picture an expansive cheese grater designed to shred knees and elbows. Running games? Not this cowboy. After a few (yawn) walking relays I saw that I was going to lose a significant portion of the classes. Everyone sit, let me tell you a story. Give me a nonsense word....

By the way Tamiko, if any of your kids turn in a story about a magical bathtub that takes a little boy and girl to a land where you can hear colors, I get 50% of their A+++.

There you go, a little look into how I come up with these blog posts. As my friend Val told me, she feels like a cyber stalker who knows what I am thinking. So if you see me wearing a replica of the metal helmet from Xmen, you'll know why.

To recap...I have talked about ducklings, stories, car trips, woolly mammoths, cyber stalking, Xmen, magical bathtubs, followers, cartoon sound effects, Academy awards, and greased water slides And in case anyone is interested...Ilanga elimndandi kuwe! is how you write Happy Birthday in Zulu....Does everyone see why Sylvia rarely asks, "What are you thinking about honey?"

The only thing I didn't write about was the first line of my book...and here it is.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times;" Yeah, I know, taken. But wouldn't it be hysterical to see the Final Jeopardy answer for famous quotes from literature...

"Why yes Alex,
What is Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities OR Garrett's Teacher! Teacher! When I Fart in the Bathtub It Makes Bubbles."