So it begins....

Four score and twenty five thousand cheeseburgers ago...

It's a little embarrassing to admit but I just got smacked in the back of the head... with a digital scale. About three weeks ago I got an email from my insurance company. I thought it was just another email that said things like, "Did you know that by cutting down on soda you can be an easy way to blah blah blah...?" This one was different in a couple of ways. First, it didn't say anything about soda. Second, it said they were going to send me stuff...for free! Never one to shy away from free stuff I read on.

Turns out I was a candidate for a program that I had never heard about due to the numbers that come up on my medical record. All I had to do was answer a few questions and hit send and they would evaluate whether or not I would be a good candidate for the program. The more I read the more I liked. There would be a group of people going through the program with me. There would be a coach to help me find delicious alternatives to pizza and bacon cheeseburgers. (hopefully) Finally, as I mentioned before, they are going to send me stuff! I decided to give it a try.

About ten minutes later, I was sending in the answers to my questionnaire and promising to use the computer to log in a bit every day. "Thank you for your interest. We will get back to you soon if you qualify."  I had no sooner hit send than I got a reply saying that I was not only "in" but they were going to send my welcome kit and a digital scale that will transmit my weight cellularly to weight-loss headquarters, my computer, my cell phone, my fourth grade English teacher, that weird TV on the top of those new gas pumps, and the jumbo-tron in Times Square. It's too late now. I said I'd do it. I'm still in! You can't scare me! (although you notice I haven't mentioned what my weight is, here....yet) Baby steps. I can't help but think that there was a team of nutritionists back at Kaiser high-fiving and fist-bumping each other exclaiming, "We got him! Maybe now we won't have to include the percentage of country gravy present in his next blood-work results!"

Regardless of how it happened, I have agreed to abide by the requirements of the program and I am happy to have support all around me. I'll talk about the amount of support and how it shows at some of the more unfortunate times as we get further along in the program. I haven't quite figured out how I will report my progress. As I get closer to weights that resemble the stats of people and not barrels of pickles or mid sized SUV's I will surely divulge. It'll be nice to shock people with my starting numbers as I move along on this trek.

So here it begins. I have my shiny new scale (you can almost make out the head-shaped dent from where it smacked me) and a winning attitude that will carry me through this journey. I also hope to hang onto my self-deprecating sense of humor to take some of the edge off of rice cakes infused with a hint of honey and cinnamon. The program is 16 weeks long and I am just starting. I'm going to blog my way through this. No promises of daily updates, unless you live near the jumbotron, but I will try to be mostly on top of this particular activity to hold myself accountable. If nothing else it will be a good accounting of what caused me to lose my mind and wander the streets muttering, "Dr Pepper...I want a Dr Pepper!"

Pizza!

I am a self proclaimed pizza junkie!  Stuffed, Chicago, Italian...I love them all.  Round Table, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Dominos, Papa Murphy, Independent little hole in the wall places, fancy Italian San Franciscan places, heck even Little Caesars will suffice in a pinch!    I can take the veggies but I prefer the meats.  If it is round and has toppings, I like it.  Even if it's not round but generally resembles someone's idea of a pizza, I like it.  The answer to, "Do you just want to get a pizza tonight?" is always a rapid and resounding "Yes!"

Lately, however, the question hasn't been about going and getting a pizza.  The question that is coming up more and more often is, "Will you make the sauce so we can have homemade pizza?"

Will I make the sauce?  That is a question for the ages and the sages.  I don't want to overstate things but, this sauce is undoubtedly and unequivocally the best thing that anyone has ever tasted, or will ever taste, in the entire history of the universe...if you like that sort of thing.  But I can't take credit for it.  About a year ago Sylvia went away on a women's retreat for church.  I was in charge of making sure the kids were contained, washed, entertained, safe, and perhaps most importantly...fed.

Let me take this opportunity to say that I wasn't 'babysitting' for two reasons.  First, they are definitely not babies.  And, most importantly, it is impossible to babysit your own kids!  You may be the parent in charge but it is not babysitting.  There, I said it, a pet peeve has been vented.  I can come down off this soapbox even though it is a nice view up here.

So, being solely in charge of the kids' well being for a couple of days is really a fairly easy task since they are both teenagers and able to do most of that on their own, but I wanted to take it up a notch and do something we hadn't done before around dinnertime.  I may have mentioned before that Kristiana is quite the budding cook.  She takes after Sylvia.  Well, Kristiana decided that she would make pizza dough if I would get the sauce.  In the middle of the sauce aisle in Safeway I thought, all of these canned sauces just look so cartoony.  I bet none of them have any kick and the only thing they have in common with Round Table (my favorite sauce) is that they are red.  So I did what any normal man would do...I curled into the fetal position and sobbed while they called for a clean-up on aisle 3.  Actually, I got out my nearly new smart phone and googled "awesome pizza sauce."  I added the awesome because 'average' need not apply.  Lo and behold the first site that came up had a description like, "When I make this sauce I skip the toppings."  Works for me!  I gathered the ingredients I didn't figure I had at home, ignored the ingredients I thought were yucky, (I mean seriously?  Who would buy anchovy paste?) and headed out to make my fortune.

When I got home I started putting it together and changed it as I went.  That is a skill I learned from Sylvia...she rarely tries a new recipe without changing it.  She also says things like, "What are they thinking?  Of course this needs potatoes!" or "It called for this but that will make it better." (she's always right)  With my favorite sauce lingering in my memory as plain as the memory of that thing that was kind of... well I'm pretty sure it was... I think it was round...ish.  Anyway, I started making the sauce and substituted a few things of my own...namely beer.  The recipe called for 12 ounces of warm, bland, tasteless water.  I can do better than that.  I opened one of the ancient beers that we have laying around (since I can't drink it anymore...another blog) and poured it into the pot.

Well to make a long story yummy...when I was done cooking the sauce I accidentally splashed some onto my head.  I was nearly beaten to death by my tongue trying to get at it.

After all of that I will let you in on my secret recipe.  Also, I never really make it the same way twice, just because, but this is the basics.  Be warned this has a bit of a kick to it, but not too much.  You can cut the spices in half if you like.  This amount will make enough for two pizzas:  Please promise to use this for good and not evil!

12 oz can of beer
12 oz can of tomato paste
tablespoon  of honey
tablespoon of chopped garlic
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper

Mix all the ingredients in a pot on low heat.  It has to sit for at least half an hour so the flavors mix together.  I usually just have it cook on low all the time.

Let me know if you try it...and what you think.  Enjoy!!