Makes No Scents To Me

I have a peculiar ability. It isn't very useful in any practical way but it does come in handy from time to time. Interesting? Perhaps. Able to apply it in any productive way? Not unless I am writing a blog.
Wait, what?

This ability rarely comes up, but when it does it is impressive. Intrigued yet? I could present it like a friend of mine and have you guess for a while, build suspense, and then let everyone off the hook. One problem might be that no one would care and then there would be no guesses. Another, I might A.D.H.D. myself into another topic and there would be this "thing" out there with no conclusion.

No, I am going to blurt it out. I have a super sniffer. Not in form, but in function. Not ever going to be a nose model, but I am able to figure out what scent is in certain items.
"What's in this?"
"Nutmeg!"
"Wow! Jeff, you are amazing."
"It's a gift."

I am also able to compare, no matter how odd, two things that have similar smells.

The first time I remember impressing anyone with this yawn-producing parlor trick I was working at Orchard Supply Hardware. We were unpacking a box of rose feed that was also a fairly nasty bug killer when my co-worker commented on how much he hated the way it smelled. I said, "Really? I kind of like it. It smells like those orange marshmallow circus peanuts." He was amazed, after agreeing with me, and told me that he had never thought about it but I was right...and that he hated those peanuts as well! Another time, same place, OSH was great for smells, we developed an aphid problem out in the nursery where I worked. They called in a company to come and spray the entire place with an organic pesticide during the night. (try not to wrap your head around the fact that something is organic and also used for killing...it just causes headaches) Anyway, when I came in the next day the scent was still heavy in the air. It smelled just like glazed donuts! I couldn't believe it! The air was thick with poison that kept me out of donut shops for years. Now if they can only set up a noxious gas that is reminiscent of pepperoni pizza, I am good to go!

I didn't just wake up and think, I am going to write about things that stink today. It came to me
when I got out my new shaving cream. In the store I decided that "Pacific Rush" sounded like an exciting way to start my day. I'm in! Problem is, there was no rush and it smelled like it may have come from the Pacific. Specifically, the seashore of the Pacific, at low tide, on a hot day, if you were smelling it through a thick dust rag. There was no discernible rush. Color me disappointed. Much like the "Enchanted Orchid" soft soap that smelled exactly like Aqua Net hair spray.

I would like to think that someone in the company had come up with the name after being inspired to song, feeling the clean close shave, and heading into their day invigorated and somehow a better person. Now, I think they have a dart board with interesting words on them and they just toss two darts to get the name. It's a contest within the company. Bring in the most box tops and you get to heave a dart. Not very romantic but it pays the bills.

It could have been worse I suppose. I could have been shaving with "Passionate Intensity" or "Enthralling Effervescence."

Maybe next time I will talk about how they come up with ridiculous names for paint samples. Probably not, since I will forget...let me just say that I have no explanation for "politely purple".