Should I be worried about the rabbit?

We have a new member of the household. He is short, furry, and has obviously been involved in some sort of genetic engineering experiment designed to enhance both strength and intelligence.


This newest member is a mini lop eared rabbit named Goober that came to us for free. Let me take a moment here to expand on the term free as it pertains to our family. First there were the ten free rolls of sod (worth about 30 dollars) that ended up costing me a month and a half of work, a dump truck/bobcat rental, and about a thousand dollars worth of pavers. OK, so driving a bobcat was really cool but still! Then there were the free guppies that became several trips to the pet store to create the perfect living environment for massive overpopulation. It's getting to where I break into a cold sweat whenever I hear a commercial talking about something that is "free."

Our neighbor got this rabbit from someone who didn't want it anymore. Why they took it in, I do not know. They didn't want it. They had no plans on keeping it. What were they thinking? Knock knock knock....Oh, that's what they were thinking. So now we have a free rabbit and I am not so sure that is all that we got.

The rabbit, that we are only looking after for a few days (yeah right), of course needs organic bedding. I don't even have organic bedding. It also needed a water bottle, a play pen, organically enhanced brown pellets that are apparently food, and a litter box? Really? I never heard of anything so ridiculous. And then Sylvia put the box in the cage (with the recycled vegetable and fruit instead of sand litter). The rabbit hopped in did his business immediately. Well, first he looked up at her, tilted his head, and gestured toward the stack of magazines on the coffee table. That was my first clue that something was up. I hear from other possessors of free rabbits that this is quite common.

No one has mentioned that their rabbits do his next stunt however. Sylvia placed the wire mesh playpen around the front of the cage and left the door open, effectively tripling his run-around room. He is obviously interested in feng shui because he picked up the edge of the mesh wall with his teeth and carried it to a new spot, pulling it away from the cage. We fixed the wire mesh so he couldn't do that anymore, but he could still wander around a bit. Well this wasn't good enough for him. He looked at the top of his cage, three times taller than him, and hopped on up. Then he walked over to the side of the cage and did a double backflip with a twist to get off and into the kitchen. The German judge gave him a 8.9.

Well we can't have the free expensive spoiled rabbit roaming the house chewing on electrical wires, wait..., no, we can't have the rabbit roaming the house chewing on electrical wires. Sylvia grabs the furball and puts him back into his cage. Now that we have seen his escape attempt he is no longer free to use his play yard. Inside the cage he stamps his foot! Sylvia, not to be outdone, playfully stamps her foot.
Rabbit - Stamp
Sylvia - Stamp
Rabbit - Stamp
Sylvia - Stamp
and so on...and so on...and so on...

It was deliberate! This thing was communicating with Sylvia! I am now worried that this rabbit has escaped from someplace like NIMH and is capable of doing linear algebra! There is probably a black van roaming our neighborhood scanning the area for a sign from the rabbit secret agent. I'm keeping our blinds closed.

There was one more peculiar thing as well. It chewed out the words from the newspaper at the bottom of his cage and spelled out "Please! For the love of carrots, let me out of here so I can get to Washington and complete my mission! I've got to save the world!"

I'm sure it was just a coincidence.