My First Contest!

In order to thank all of my readers for their kind words and messages, I have decided to give an award to one.  (I know, it didn't make a lot of sense to me either.)  I would like to send one lucky reader an original, signed, Jeff Garrett masterpiece!  I was thinking about giving away the entire contents of the kids' college accounts, but this drawing is worth more.  This particular piece of art has been seen in many countries by countless individuals (it's my Facebook profile picture) and might be worth a little something some day.  (They are giving $1.25 for a ton of recycled paper...if prices continue to soar like this, it could be worth $0.0000000023 in no time!)  Ok, what the heck...I will even frame it for you.  I didn't say what I would frame it in...probably some sort of colored duct tape that I have laying around.  (Hey! What did you expect?  Solid mahogany?  It's two days after Thanksgiving...you're lucky I don't frame it with leftover turkey!) 

But that's not all!  That is the way they do it on TV right?  I will, at an unspecified time in the future, use your name in a future blog post!  Of course knowing me I will probably use it when I am writing a short story about a manure salesman (excuse me...manure salesperson) and I need a name of someone who falls into...wait!  You almost tricked me into giving away the ending! 

I have a friend, Faye, who has told me to go check out another person's blog, the pioneer woman, because she is so funny.  Well I went there and...holy cow...her blog makes mine look like I am just sitting here at my home computer, in the spare room, writing my blog in my underwear.  (you should read some of the blogs I have written in my underwear, they are hysterical!...although, more people can see the ones I write on the computer)  Do not be alarmed. I am all for promoting family values.  I do not write these while wearing only underwear.  I have an Armani tuxedo that I pull out for writing.  I feel it gives class to the writing...especially when talking about manure. 

Well Faye told me that this pioneer woman has thousands of readers and that she actually makes money at writing her blog.  I asked her how she is doing that (Faye is the leading authority on answering questions about other people's blogs) and she said, "Well she has written a cookbook. (pass!) And she has contests where she gives away things!"  (I could do that!)  She has given away big things...a washer and dryer come to mind...but I think Sylvia would be slightly more than peeved if we gave away our washer and dryer.  I am not prepared to test my theory.

Another thing this pioneer woman has is a visually pleasing site.  It is virtually covered with pictures, and graphics, and color, and videos, and...crap, I'm talking you into going over there aren't I?  That's ok, my boring ole blog will be here when you get back...sniff.  I could talk about how I am ADHD and cannot handle too much stimulus (true).  Or I could talk about how I have some OCD tendencies and need things to be just so (true).  Or I could tell you the real reason that I don't have a site as nice as hers...I dunno how!  But I do know how to fill an envelope, address it, and mail a picture to one lucky person!  (Well I live with people who can help me do that)  And as for the having more pictures on the site, allow me to show you what you could win!

I will now describe this in painstaking detail as if it was the grand prize on The Price is Right!  A New Picture!  This doodle was drawn by none other than Jeff Garrett, blogger, in order to make children, and children at heart, laugh.  In the style of the great masters (while the great masters were talking on their phones) it is an example of ball point pen (and then marker when the pen ran out of ink) on scratch pad and it can be yours for the low low price of...

Wait a minute...I haven't told you how you can win.  Mostly because I haven't come up with an idea yet, but that goes without saying.  (even though I just said it)  Let's see, how to win, how to win, I know!  Write me a comment about why you deserve this fabulous piece of Americana.  Be compelling, tell me as many details as your hopeful hearts can stand.  People who talk about purchasing one (or two) of those bronze artwork lamps to showcase this wonder of wonders will receive special consideration.  Including the phrase, "I solemnly swear that I will bequeath this stunning work of art to my children" is not a requirement but it couldn't hurt.  I will choose the best and the brightest of comments and I will arrange to have it sent to you.

So there you go.  My first contest!  Can you feel the electricity in the air?  Do you live in Kansas?  Under power lines?  Perhaps you should call the authorities...and stay away from standing water...and for heaven's sake get out from under that tree.  Good luck everyone!   Oh wait, Sylvia is up...I'll ask her about the washer and dryer for next time!