Cahoots!! I Tell Ya!!

I have been told...often...that people are waiting anxiously for my next blog post.  While that is a compliment of gargantuan proportions, it also adds a bit of pressure...especially around report card time at school.  When I have 29 little kinders to test, data to record, comments to write, input it all into the computer, FIGHT WITH THE DISTRICT SO THEY'LL TREAT ME LIKE A PROFESSIONAL AND GIVE ME A KEY TO THE STAFF ROOM ALARM SO I CAN GET TO THE PRINTER I NEED TO PRINT REPORT CARDS...ON MY OWN UNPAID TIME!!! (but i'm not bitter)  Anyway, it lends little time to be able to create silliness for my blog.

...Unlessssss...I somehow wake early on a Saturday, before everyone else, so I don't feel guilty for isolating myself from the family for an hour while I pound out typographical oddities for your reading pleasure.  (Unless you have been court-mandated to read this as some sort of psychological torture system that is totally against the Geneva convention...if that's the case, I apologize)  Then we have Sundays where I would need to get up REALLY early in order to be able to do this...and be ready for church at 9:05.  Church really starts at 9, but let's be honest...we have no idea what happens at the very beginning of church.  For all we know that could be, "Let's all talk about how the Garrett family never gets here on time" portion of the morning.  Maybe I'll have to wake up really, really early one day and go to church in disguise.  Then I'll know for sure.

So now I want to talk about how my sister and my wife are in cahoots!  I am not certain my sister is the mastermind of this whole scheme but, Susan has been the most vocal advocate for more blog posts in the past.  What I do know is that Sylvia is a willing participant.  What she is getting out of the deal is a mystery to me...it better be good. 

This morning, I awoke early.  (thus the new post)  That in itself is not too earth shattering.  What is peculiar is the way I woke up.  Not to reveal too much information to the general public, but we purposely bought the largest sized comforter for our not the largest size bed.  One reason...I have never met a bed that I didn't end up hanging my feet off the end.  At 6' 3" I sometimes wonder how people taller than me can afford to have beds custom made...I can afford to curl into a ball.  I try not to wonder about other people's sleep needs.  Most of the time I am wondering if everyone else who is tall is made to walk in front of the group to clear unseen spiderwebs away from the path.  Twice!  Last night!  I felt like I was in the last movie of the Lord of the Rings trilogy!

Getting back to me getting up...this morning.  Our comforter, on a good night, reaches halfway to the floor on either side of the bed and off the end enough to cover my tender widdle tootsies.  (sorry channeling Elmer Fudd for a moment)   There's plenty of blanket real estate to go around...usually!  This morning I sleepily wondered how we had suddenly been transported overnight to the Arctic Circle...and why someone had decided to hilariously dunk my feet in a snowdrift.  When I shook from my delirium I realized that we were still in town, there was still snowdrift, but there was a very warm Sylvia all snuggled up in 98.9% of the covers.  Had it been late enough for the sun to be out, I would have seen her blanket-stealing grin!  Apparently she has been paid off! 

Now in Sylvia's defense, she does not have what I call my, "sweater on the inside."  It's a layer of padding that keeps me warmer than the average human.  And even though I just lost 35 pounds...the hard way...I could afford to do that again, weight wise.  I really don't want to go through the whole hospital thing again but you get the idea.  The main thing is that Sylvia gets cold easily.  I can see where this would have been an easy way for someone (Sue) to get to her.  Through imaginary technology I have acquired a recording of the conversation. 

Sue:      "Sylvia, I LIVE for Jeff's blog.  You gotta help me!"
Sylvia:   "I know what you mean, but Jeff is so wonderful that I cannot stand to have him away from me, even for an instant."  (This part was a little fuzzy...it was open to interpretation...I went with it)
             "I'll tell you what.  How about if we make it so he gets up early?  You could sleep innnnnnnnn."
             "I don't know.  I would hate to do that to him.  He needs his sleep too you know.  He was just sick and in the hospital."
              (unintelligible...but I am guessing that it was something about my being wonderful...again)    
              "But then you could have all the covers!"
              "I'll do it!"
Imaginary technology is new so we're still working out the bugs.  You get the gist.

So there you have it...I am awake, I am cold, and I am at the mercy of Sylvia and her conspirator(s).  I still don't hear anyone moving around yet.  Maybe "they" got to the kids too.  If I get up and walk down the hall I will probably hear them all in the back, playing Monopoly (the LONG version), and saying "Shh Shh Shh...I think he's coming.  Pretend to be asleep or Aunt Susie won't pay up!"

I hope they sleep well at night...I know Sylvia does...with all the covers!!