The Great Debate

Hello again, I'm back and I have been castigated by Sylvia.  I had to look it up, and (thankfully) it doesn't mean what I thought it meant.  According to Jethro Webster (Noah's lesser known and slightly less well read cousin) castigate means: to chew out.  Apparently portions of yesterday's blog were, in her words, "a little much."  She did say that it proves I am a good writer, but romance novels are not really what I am going for.  I tried to explain that it was "tongue in cheek" but as any comedian knows, if you have to explain a joke it's not a good joke.  Moving on!

Yesterday was a day like any other.  Went to the Post Office, did a little shopping, and had roughly 842 activities planned to do with our kids...3 of them were generated by Sylvia and me.  There was choir, and laser tag, and buying things for a shower (baby not hygienic), and so on, and so on.  It all culminated in Kristiana being at a progressive dinner/scavenger hunt/party.  I assumed that it was to celebrate Christmas really early but I am finding that home-school parents are an active breed and this just seemed to be a great time for an event.  God bless people who have more energy than me. 

It was while I was picking her up from this event that I observed two people having the most universal of debates.  Unlike yesterday, where I championed the privacy rights of individuals and was very clear where I stand, I chose to stay neutral on this new debate.  I didn't really want anyone to call the police.  We have all heard that you do not discuss politics or religion in casual conversation.  I am finding that if you want to remain civil in your discourse, do not approach this hot button debate topic.  Not even with a ten meter cattle prod (OK, which movie?)

As you sit at your computer, mentally shouting, "NOOOOOO!!!  Don't do it Jeff!!  Just walk away!"  I appreciate your concern.  But that is me...I want to put it all out there and let the chips fall where they may.  (Unlike when I worked at the butcher shop...they get a little upset when you let the chops fall where they may...but I digress)  Yes, dear readers, I want to once and for all handle the subject that has been the cause of strife the world over.  Wars have started, marriages have ended, lives have been ruined!  Can't we all just get along...and decide once and for all,  Butter cream or whipped cream frosting.

That's right, I went there...and this time I brought a cupcake. 

Turns out there is a right and a wrong answer to this debate.  The trouble is that everyone has their own opinion of what that answer is...and that the other side is wrong!  I am very happily married and the reason, to a large degree, is that Sylvia and I share the same view on frosting.  We both suffer from the delusion that cake was invented because bringing a spoonful of frosting alone to your face seemed impolite.  I can pretend to eat cake to get to the frosting.  I'm a team player.  Sylvia and I also know that corner pieces are little gifts from God.  A corner piece with a flower?  Dare to dream!   

In nature there are some symbiotic relationships where both organisms benefit from being together.  For example, one person will eat all of the pizza and leave the crust, the other will savor the crust and leave the gooey stuff.  You need to find out if this is your situation before you start going after your partner's frosting.  It tends to ruin the mood at your niece's wedding if you start wrestling on the ground with your wife, arguing over the last glob of frosting from the wedding cake plate.  I do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will never, ever, ever do that...again.  (Uh oh, I can feel another castigation coming) Just kidding Hon.  Love you! 

At the risk of losing readers, and in the interest of full disclosure, I feel I must tell you where I stand on this issue.  For me, if you bring me a cake with whipped cream icing you run the risk of having your cake go to waste...as opposed to the butter cream I like so much, which goes to waist.  In fact, if there is a function with multiple types of cakes, I will always go for the carrot cake.  I think the cake itself is ok...but more importantly, I have never met a carrot cake with whipped cream frosting.  To do so, I think, is punishable by 6 months in jail and a hefty fine.  I believe the issue is addressed in the Constitution.

Back to last night. I was picking up Kristiana, the teenager, and she was actually acknowledging that I was alive.  Yes!  Guess I am improving my geeky Dad to allowing space ratio. (either that or she knew it was raining and didn't want to walk home)  As I waited for all the hugs, "see you later"s and "I'll Facebook you"s to subside two people started talking about frosting.  It was all well and good until an interloper strolled in and just haphazardly blurted out, "Give me Cream Cheese or give me death!"  I grabbed Kristiana and hustled out of there before the chairs started to fly. 

I have to believe that people will learn to live and let live.  It seems so silly to me that all of this trouble can result from something so simple as this.  I mean, it's not like pie, where everybody knows that fruit/berry is far superior to cream!  There you go, talk amongst yourselves.

Perhaps in the future I will cover the second most important debate.  Catch spiders with a glass and release them outside, or smush them with a Kleenex?  Now if you'll excuse me there is a spider, from the Latin; spider-eww toomanylegsidae, in front of me who is about to find out where I stand on this debate...anybody out there know how to play Taps?