ON TV? ME?

I am still pinching myself!  But carefully because I don't want to show up looking like an abuse victim on the first day.  I have finally been contacted by someone who has the ability to make me rich and famous.  I know friends have been saying that since I started writing the blog but now it seems that it is real.  Let me explain...

Someone who reads the blog, anonymously, passed it along to their boss.  Turns out their boss is some sort of big wig at a television station that I am not supposed to mention right yet.  (but it rhymes with miscovery)  Well they thought my writing was mediocre (I know, ouch) but they thought I sounded like I would be a funny guy to hang around.  He also said that he didn't particularly care for sitcoms so he didn't want to hire me to be a writer and make one up.  (OK?  So what, you want me to clean your pool and tell you knock knock jokes?)  Well this guy is who they call the King of the Reality Show!  Long story short...(I know, when has that ever applied to me?)  They want me to be on TV!!

They said that there isn't a lot of guaranteed money along with this at first, one of my first questions, but if I play my cards right I may be able to make money with product placement in our home.  Apparently they have a crew armed with that blue painters' tape to cover all the labels in the house until the company pays them.  Nice work if you can get it, I guess.  I am hoping that Porsche will want to be a sponsor early on!  With my luck it will be some sort of medicated ointment that'll want to be first.  "No Seriously!  that's just the way I walk.  I'm good."

I know what you are thinking...is Sylvia good with all of this?  Well, with the economy all depressed and all she thought that it might be able to work.  She just was worried that we would have trouble keeping our relationship strong in the midst of all of these people.  I said, "Honey!  I will only marry two other women and have only five other kids.  Not like those weird sister wives people!"  (she didn't laugh but agreed that America might think it was funny when I said it)  I then told her that in addition to the the blue tape crew, there was a mop and dust crew (so everything looks nice on camera) and that kind of tipped the scale a bit too. 

Now the rub, they don't want this to be "just another reality show" so there would be a difference.  Apparently they have a new internet capability for stations and they want mine to be the first one that is about people being followed 100% of the time for a year!  I suggested, A Year In The Life as the title, and he said, "leave the sucky title creation to me kid."  (He's probably younger than me and called me kid...HA!)  For TV they will choose highlights of the week to show but if people want to see it live and happening they will just have to log on to the computer.  When he first told me I said, "Sorry pal, I have a bashful bladder.  I'm hanging up now."  He assured me that nobody wanted to see that (well some people did but just eww!) and that of course I would have to have a little private time.  He said that I would get some alone time with Sylvia but with the kids he wanted to see what was going on most of the time.  When I said, "And everyone goes away when we sleep, right?"  Well I guess it would be like that Big Brother show where there are cameras mounted that would just be downloading into a giant computer somewhere.  (Get ready America!  I snore!)  One cool thing is that all of my students' parents have already signed "Non-disclosure consent to tape blah blah blah" forms and the students for next year will need to agree to this before they are admitted into my class.  (Honestly, I think the munchkins will be the stars of the show)

So we are in the finalizing stages.  I think that it will be interesting.  I think it will be fun at times, hard at times, and interesting most of the time.  They are looking for it to start at the beginning of next month so we have not a lot of time to get going.  I have to organize the garage.  We have to clean out the closets.  We have to buy a bunch of smart looking books to put on our bookshelves.  I have to bribe the people at the gym to make it look like I have been coming every day for the last two years!  I look forward to all of you seeing me on TV.  OK, I'm off to the gym! (like I do every day of the year!  Duh!)

That leaves exactly one month for you to suck up to me so you can say, "I knew him when."  The countdown has begun.  We start May first...hope you all enjoy your April first.