Man Joins Online Feed To Get Coworker Off Back

Jeff Garrett, of Fremont, joined "The Onion" online yesterday by getting updates sent to his phone.  When asked to comment Garrett stated, "I just got tired of Josh Reed asking me if I had read The Onion every day.  He just wore me down."  Garrett, who admittedly is 'not very bright' claims that he had decided to try to read it before but couldn't find it on his phone.  The breakthrough came when an eight year old explained SMS feeds to Garrett.  He was quoted as saying, "I still don't get it but, what do ya know!  There it is!"

The Onion is a satirical paper that espouses itself as "America's Finest News Source."   It is full of hard hitting imaginary stories that are designed to make you smile.  While Garrett admits that he found Onion articles to be humorous he worried that other areas of his life were more important.  "I tried to explain to him that I didn't really have time for one more thing but I guess I can give up birthday parties and family dinners."

Garrett had been warned about the adverse effects that satire can have on interpersonal relationships.  He claims he just wasn't sure it was worth it.  Reed, when asked to comment, wrung his hands and said, "We got another one...that is off the record."  This reporter then explained that the 'off the record' remark needs to come before you say something.  Reed, who is not officially linked to The Onion (wink wink) smiled and muttered something about working on Aurea next. 

Garrett's wife, who is staying at her mother's, declined to comment and slammed the door in this reporter's face muttering something about "that darn blog" but forgot to say 'off the record.'  When Garrett's children were bribed into talking to us, they said, "He writes all the time and he is always at the computer.  Hey!  This money isn't real!"

When asked about his habits Garrett said, "It's true.  I do like writing my blog.  It's at klarkwgriswold.blogspot.net and I didn't say off the record so you have to print that in your news.  If one more person becomes a follower of my blog, that will be one more than there ever was before.  Besides, there are 37 followers right now and that is a prime number.  Prime numbers are icky."

We'll see if any of the readers of this news article feel compassionate and throw Garrett a 'pity follow'.  Don't worry, Reed does not work for Garrett's blog so he will not be contacting you about becoming a follower everyday.   Reed cackled, "It's hysterical!  I don't even read Jeff's blog!...Off the record!  Oh dangit!"