I Don't Have Multiple Personalities...And Neither Do I

"You have the patience of a saint."
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have heard those words. I'm not sure how saints became the high water mark for patience, but that seems to be how people compliment kindergarten teachers these days. Especially, I believe, six foot three inch (5 foot fifteen inch if I am feeling you need to be "messed with" when you ask) male kindergarten teachers.

Having said that I want to talk about my impatience. There are several things about which I have absolutely no patience at all:
Adults with absolutely no logical reasoning.
Driving slowly in the "fast" lane.
Pets that bite...even though the little rodent is just "being cute" and "it doesn't hurt."

And now, it seems, for NOT being offered millions of dollars to write a book and eventually get interviewed on TV to talk about it.

Because of the last one, I thought I would take this opportunity to interview myself. No seriously, I think it can work. But since I do not have multiple personalities I will have to turn up my imagination knob. (If you were in my kindergarten class you would know that the imagination knob is located just behind your right ear...The volume knob is located behind the left ear but all of them have been disabled at the factory) Here I go, bear with me.

Jeff: So now that you are famous. How do you deal with the notoriety?
Jeff: I'm not sure you know who I am. I am not famous at all. I teach kindergarten. I write a blog.

Jeff: Number one in the New York Times, Number three in Canada, required reading in American schools. Have you made any extravagant purchases with your new found wealth?
Jeff: Is this a joke? I have not written a book. I write a blog. Say it with me...blllooooggggg. It's not important or life changing...it is for fun and I would love to someday be paid for writing but right now I am just having fun.

Jeff: What gave you the idea to write a best selling book?
Jeff: Am I being Punk'd? Ashton? Where are you? The idea for writing a blog...BLOG...came from the movie Julie and Julia. The movie was very good and it reminded me that my sister had suggested that I write a blog. I actually wrote about this in some of my first entries...have you even read any of these? And this isn't even a best read blog. There are only 22 followers and mostly it's my friends and family but I would love to hear what others are thinking. I added a Facebook share button on the blog so others can send it to their friends. I think a big accomplishment for me would be to become a "Blog Of Note" for Blogger. I would like that. It isn't like music where I can suddenly hear one of my songs on the radio. They don't read blogs over the radio.

Jeff: Since you've been invited to throw out the first pitch at the World Cup and I know this is your first time in South Africa, how are you enjoying the weather?
Jeff: Sir, you need some sort of help. Really. Have you ever considered shock therapy? There are so many things wrong with what you have said. The pitch in soccer is what they play on, not what gets thrown. The World Cup people have no need for anyone to begin the match much less me, who has never played soccer in my life. And, I have never been to South Africa so I have absolutely no idea what the weather is like. I think it is beginning to be their winter season soon though since they are in the southern hemisphere. I could look it up if you...do you really want to talk about the weather in South Africa?

Jeff: If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Jeff: That's it. Take this microphone off. I'm outta here.

Jeff: Given the strife in Smurfville, do you think it is time for Papa Smurf to step down and name a successor? What about the rumors about him and Smurfette?
Jeff: Security!

Jeff: Did you see "One Crazy Summer"? I liked that movie.
Jeff: Goodbye! Get my agent on the phone. Wait, I don't have an agent! This never would have happened on the Bonnie Hunt Show. I miss that show.

Jeff: Is it a burden being ridiculously handsome?
Jeff: Finally! A serious question.

Jeff: No, I was just kidding. (music playing) Well tune in next time when I interview Abraham Lincoln and ask him, was it difficult getting used to zero gravity on the moon?