"The Nutcracker Bit My Finger"

Is it a bad sign when you can't even outsmart a two year old?  I have the usual bag of tricks, for little kids, in my repertoire that includes pulling my thumb off my hand, getting your nose, and (my favorite)the tap on the head-turn around-I don't know who tapped you on the head-game.  It's a crowd pleaser to be sure. I have been doing these same routines for years and I always seem to be able to fool kids.  Not this year.

This year I have met my match in a two year old named Juliana.  She is my niece's daughter and, even though she's two, she's onto me.  We were standing around after the Christmas Eve service waiting for Kristiana to change out of her choir robes when I saw the perfect opportunity.  Juliana was being carried, she was turned the other way, I'm gonna do it.  For me it's a need.  Kind of like when someone does the beginning part of the "shave and a haircut" knock...I need to finish it with two of my own knocks.  (contemptible imagined ocd)  I reached over and tapped Juliana on the head with the bulletin from the service and quickly turned around to appear very interested in the cloudy sky.  She just looked at me with pity.  She said, "I know it was you."  Busted!

That would have been bad enough but she then said, "And before you embarrass both of us, I know that my nose is still on my face and your thumb is not removable as well.  Really Uncle Jeff, sir, if you wish to discuss the political and socioeconomic subtexts in Dickens' A Christmas Carol I would be willing to entertain you, but to debase myself in such a way as to pretend that I am not certain it was indeed you who tapped me on the head is really beneath us both.  Don't you think?"

Ok, so she didn't really say that last part...but she thought it!  I could see it in her smart-beyond-her-years eyes!  This little girl is sharp!  (and I'm related to her)  This is where I would include a text style smiley face, if this weren't a cutting edge, serious literature, blog.  :-) :-) :-)  Who am I kidding?  Certainly not a two year old!  Actually I have come to expect great things from the smart people in my family.  Juliana is just keeping up the tradition.  When many two year olds are still telling people what they need in one or maybe two words, "cookie"  "up"  "no"  "potty" (actually, I could probably get through most days with this set of words).  Juliana is having conversations.  It's great.

In fact, after we extinguished the candles on the tree.  Yes candles, yes real tree, yes, we are really really German.  After the candles were out and we had listened to Stille Nacht and the church bells on cd, we started opening the presents.  Juliana was Santa's little helper, everyone 'needed help' with their wrapping paper.  She even put the debris in the garbage bag (excuse me...the recycle bag).  She was roaming around the room "helping" everyone when she became very interested in a foot tall nutcracker that looked like it was from that famous ballet...the one they do at Christmas time...the name escapes me but there is a nutcracker in it.  Keep reading, I'll think of it.

All of a sudden, Juliana says, just as calm as can be, "the nutcracker bit my finger."  Really?  Five words?  No crying?  Amazing.  And then she said, "Uncle Jeff...the name of the ballet that escapes you is The Nutcracker.  It was created by Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky.  It is a wonderful experience.  You really should try to broaden your horizons and experience life in a much deeper and much more meaningful way.  Also, on a side note, would you be willing to take a DNA test to see if we are really related?  No reason." 

OK, so she didn't really say the second part...but what two year old knows what a nutcracker is?!  I'm so proud.  She continued the rest of the night with me trying to trip her up.  If she opened something that she thought was great, I would say, "Oh!  I think that is for me!"  She would simply, calmly, say, "No this is mine."  When I tried to cuddle with her Pillow Pet (the hit of the evening) and say that I was going to keep "Ladybug" she just looked at me like, "I know that I am walking out of here with that mister.  Go ahead and cuddle if you must, but it's mine." 

Needless to say I really enjoyed this Christmas and have made some memories that will stay with me forever.  I know what some of you are thinking, If it was "needless to say" why did you say it?  Point well taken.  I love having smart readers.  We all had a great time of following the old traditions as well as starting some new ones.  I would like to thank all of you for spending the time to read my modest little blog.  I am blessed and I hope that you know how much I appreciate you all.  I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, Merry Christmas and may joy and peace fill your new year.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to print out the page that says I have earned three dollars and eleven cents from the ads on my blog.  I need to give a copy of it to Juliana....she's doing my taxes this year.