Will Write For Food

I am on my way to fame and fortune! I have just signed on to allow ads on my blog. You can see them on the side and below the post. These ads are the key to my secret plan to become ridiculously wealthy. Since I am a "numbers" guy I started doing some calculations.

About a thousand people go to the blog each month. People need things like Android phones and creative writing courses. If everyone who goes to the blog buys a phone or signs up for a creative writing course, I should be able to fix the second leak in my roof in no time. If everyone buys a phone AND signs up for the writing course every month then I should be able to retire! I think I'll start looking at brochures for adult living condos in Boca Raton! (I didn't say I was a good numbers guy!)

I think I get a little money if enough people just click on the ads each month. It's not as much as when someone actually buys something, or signs up for something, but it helps. As of right now I have already earned zero point zero dollars!  I suspect it's like store coupons that actually say, "cash redemption value 1/20th of one cent."  Have you ever tried to take twenty coupons in to the store to get a penny? Trust me, they look at you funny and sometimes wonder (out loud) how you got out of the house without your helmet!  I suppose I should have reconsidered the plan to buy coupons at 1/40th of a cent only to turn around and double my money!  Live and learn...I suppose I could use all of these coupons to patch the hole in the roof.

Now, officially, I am not supposed to create a program that continually "clicks" the ads because that would be cheating. It actually said that. I wonder if they know that I needed to look up what "blog" stood for and that my experience with computers is limited to signing in and checking Facebook? I am not creating any program that does anything anytime soon.  When I bought the Commodore 64 lo these many years ago, it took me a book, my dad's help, and 2 hours to create a program that had a ball bounce up and down on the screen.  The program also disappeared as soon as I turned off the computer because I forgot to hit save.

I am also not supposed to encourage other people to creating automatic click programs. I only know of one person who would be able to do that...Mom, just don't! Hear me!? (For those of you who don't know my mom...that is about the funniest thing I've ever written ...if you don't believe me you could call her on her rotary phone and ask)  Seriously, I think I am safe in assuming that nobody will be doing that on my behalf.

I'm also supposed to encourage people to click on the ads in a legitimate way. . So here I am, asking you for 1/20 of a cent so I can fix my roof. I figure at the current rate of consumption I should be able to afford a coupon for Hefty bags to put all of my waterlogged things in.  It's only a matter of time before I am famous and rich...not necessarily in that order.

Speaking of rich, I have made a decision in my premiere contest!  I had many responses concerning the artwork in question.  Several people promised to hang the original masterpiece in a prominent place and bequeath it to their children.  One person even promised to give it to her children before she passed...I believe the technical term for that is Prequeath.  But one person said that it would be hung in a spot that people would see and then start requesting artwork of mine to hang in their own houses. This would then make me "famous and RICH!"  When I am staring at the business end of two kids in going through school activities, taking various music lessons, flying to New York for performances, and eventually wanting to go to college, added to a roof that is rapidly becoming a sieve, I just couldn't resist the word "RICH" in all capital letters.  Who can argue with that?  Plus the fact that the writer of that comment also happens to be the mom of my God-daughter.  So that didn't hurt her chances either.  The only problem is that she lives in Canada and the customs involved in shipping rare works of art is a little touchy.  There will be forms to fill out, officials to schmooze, bribes to be paid...I wouldn't count on seeing it for several months, Sophie.

For everyone else, I know it is disappointing to come in second place (honestly all of the other entries tied) especially when everyone seemed to instantly form such a strong bond to the masterpiece in question, but rest assured I promise to create other works of art for everyone who wants one.  Of course there will be a nominal fee.  This fee will be waived if you sign up for a creative writing course while using your newly purchased Android phone...or you could "legitimately" click on all of the ads in my blog several thousand times a day...wink wink!