It's Summer In California!

The smell of new-mown lawn. Barbecues being uncovered and fired up. Californians complaining because the heat has almost reached the triple digits and humidity is nearly 30%. Me, growing a beard to see how gray it has gotten over the last year. (much much more!) Fudge developing a case of separation anxiety and peeing all over the place because he thinks we are going to leave him here, but we never do. All of these are inevitable but there is one localized sign that it is summer and it is showing up just like the swallows to Capistrano ...my idiot neighbor parking his car under my shade tree in front of the house. (so I got the wrong season for the birds, sue me)


I would apologize for using the word idiot but Yosemite Sam used it and nobody ever bugged him about it. Of course he also could shoot his guns at the ground and lift himself into the air so I am fairly certain people who can do that are not subject to discussions about being politically correct.


Back to my neighbor...he is an older gentleman. (Older and grayer than me but not old enough to use the "he just doesn't know" defense.) He is the type of neighbor that writers use in their books about crotchety old men who keep to themselves except to grumble at little kids who play near his house. He also has a routine. It is a very bizarre routine and it happens every day. I would say that it happens every day rain or shine but face it, I live in California.


Every morning he backs out of his garage to move approximately 200 feet to park in front of our door under our shade tree. Did you catch that? Pulls it out of his gaaarrraaaggge to park it under our tree. I could understand if he went for donuts and coming home didn't want to park in the garage. I could even understand if he was allowing someone to use his garage while his car was out. He doesn't go anywhere and visitors don't bring cars. At this point I should explain that this tree is like a bird condominium also. People don't usually park under permanent poultry port-a-potties if they know about it. I'm guessing he, and his car, knows. (Can I get an atta-boy for alliteration!)


This alone would be a blog-worthy story but it gets better. As you have no doubt learned in your science classes at school, shade does not stay in one spot forever. When neighbor guy has left his car there for a little while he comes across the street to move it. Would you believe me if I said that he moves it up a few feet to stay in the shade under the same tree? Of course not, that would be weird. He gets in, starts it up, makes a u-turn to park in front of our neighbor's house, and then gets out and walks across the street to his condo. Am I alone? Is this a bit off? I cannot for the life of me understand why he does this...especially because when he moves it from in front of our house he parks it where there is no shade whatsoever! Away from his garage, away from the shade, and to go nowhere in particular. I don't get it. (and I get things!)

Now is the time that I mention that his side of the street is completely full of trees and has shade most of the day! I mean there is no logic to it at all!

I should tell you (both of you who read this...hi mom!) that I care as much about this ding-a-ling parking in front of my house as I do about having to order hamburgers with pickles (I hate pickles) so the kids can take them. I'd rather not but it's not worth mentioning to cause trouble. It's a free country and it is a public street so he can pretty much park wherever he wants. Besides, we live on a corner so we have plenty of parking space. I also know that two of my neighbors who don't have as much parking area in front of their houses have told him that it is inconvenient for him to park in their spots. Yelling ensued...both times that I know about. (I used the word "ensued"...book deal here I come) I would hate to be the guy who is seen yelling in the street about something as trivial as a parking spot. I would rather observe and report and thank God that I don't have neighbors who steal our hubcaps, break bottles on our sidewalk, or call the police when a car has sat for the unthinkable 48 hours without moving...all of which have happened. This quirky gentleman is the least of my worries, it's just odd.


So we are enjoying our summer and we are enjoying watching this slightly OCD neighbor go through his routine. I just wish he had been there to shield my cars when we got egged the other night. Now if you'll excuse me...I need to go turn all the drinking glasses in the cabinet one quarter turn counter-clockwise.