Crack Kills

Did you ever notice how certain things happen all at one time? They say that Hollywood loses celebrities in threes. When something goes wrong with one car, it seems that our other car feels neglected and wants some monetary attention. When "somebody's" wife brings home a new set of carpets for the bathroom, it turns into new paint, new fixtures, and new carpet in the hall outside the door. (not that this has ever happened to me...but I've heard about it) And the thing that is happening right now throughout our extended family is somebody has tipped the first of the plumbing dominoes.


It all started when Sylvia's mom went to Germany. There's nothing like going to another continent for two months to make your house want some attention. Leaving her house unattended for 8 weeks wasn't Ruth's recipe for peace of mind so someone is staying there for her. The day she left for the airport was the day her friend came to stay. It was also the same day that her friend called us to say that there was water pouring out of the water heater cabinet. We were only out of the state for a few days at the time so our house luckily didn't feel too neglected....yet.


Since she was out of the country, we were out of the state, and it was fourth of July weekend so plumbers were walking around with triple sets of dollar signs in their eyes, we were exceptionally lucky to have my dad come to the rescue. He worked it out so the house had water but none of it was the least bit warm. Luckily for everyone concerned Ruth's friend has a marvelous sense of humor and tenacious survival skills so managing until we got back into town was merely an inconvenience.

After a series of disappointing Ruth-remote-directed phone calls to programs for seniors who help with the cost of repairs and even installation, my dad and I hit the stores to find and pay for a new water heater ourselves. The kid at the register asked for ID for the check we used but accepted mine...even though I don't look anything like Ruth. At this point I would like to take a moment to reveal a pet peeve of mine. The object involved is a water heater not a hot water heater. If the water is already hot there is no need to heat it. OK, I feel better. After using the emergency signed check that Ruth left we drove away with a brand new hot wa... I mean water heater. It took us most of an afternoon to take out the old, install the new, and make operational a new 50 gallon water heater.

It was funny working on this project with my dad. Even though I made a lot of the purchasing decisions, we used my tools, I drove the truck to get everything, and I even have kids of my own...there were still times when I felt like my ten-year-old self handing Daddy tools as I looked on. Even though it was messy heavy work there were times when it was kind of fun. Of course there was the requisite time when Dad sent me to find something to help finish the next part of the job. When I came back with my contribution, he had already figured it out. I'm guessing he uses secret powers and he doesn't want me to see him in his cape.

After hooking up water, gas, and firing it up, we started filling it up. The trick is to open the tub's hot water faucet when filling the 50 gallon tank. It lets the air leave the system as the tank fills up. As water lines sit idle things settle. These things shake loose when water is introduced again and the resulting water that spews out at first ranges from dark coffee to weak tea for the first few minutes. If you are saying "Eww!!" then try not to think about all the things that are in your water pipes that are not getting flushed out...you'll sleep better.

So at this point we have everything working, we've waited long enough for the water to be leaning toward hot, and I decide to check all the faucets. I wanted to be the one who got spit on when the air in the pipes burst through. This is when problem number two happened. Bathroom number one? Fine. Bathroom number two? Aces. (No bathroom puns intended...which is highly uncharacteristic for me) Kitchen faucet...running. Turn it off. Still running. Jiggle jiggle....still running. OH COME ON! Still running. Unbeknownst to us, but knownst to her friend, it had been dripping for a long time and she didn't really expect it to last that long. Who knew that it would last precisely three days longer than her water heater? I tell you, somewhere Murphy is laughing his butt off! (You know, anything that can go wrong...)

So anyway, I let my dad off the hook and I put the new faucet in the Ruth's kitchen myself. After a second trip to the store to pick up parts that were left out of the packaging it is working like new...because it is. And now I get to take the second kitchen faucet we bought and install it at our house. You guessed it...drip drip drip...and NO, I am not available for side jobs! Does anybody know where I can get pants that dip low on the backside?