I need to expand my audience...

We Have A Cat!!


I say it like that because our cat is unseen. We have had people stay over at our house for weeks at a time and are stunned when we mention something about our cat.

"What? You don't have a cat."

"Umm, yeah, we do. She hides during the day."

"Nope, not buying it."


That's a pretty standard response. These people, who then think that I am a liar, never speak to me again. Then I have nobody to tell my silly little stories to. That is why I need to have a bigger audience. I am starting to lose my mind and I have begun talking to the cat.

Every once in a while our cat (who is a story all by herself) will start to meow endlessly. After I figure out that she has enough water, food, and she has clear access to "the box" (I try to be funny, not cruel) I start having a conversation with her.

Meow
"Really?"

Meow
"You don't say. "

Meow
"Well you can obviously see they are not MY panties!"

You know, normal stuff.

I have a blast trying to make up ridiculous things for the cat to 'say'. That is how I amuse myself. I would much rather amuse myself figuring out which is my favorite new vacation spot, but until I get those millions that I am shamelessly trying to get, this is what I am reduced to. This is also a great way to get a grumpy child to smile. Of course our children are always happy but it does get annoying when they are always hugging each other and helping each other with their homework. jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj Sorry about that, my nose grew and hit the keyboard.

Writing this is a fun way for me to pretend that there are people listening to me blather on about weird things that happen around the house. I would hate to think that people weren't listening.
If I continue just being funny alone then I will end up being one of those guys who sits around having conversations with his cat. Wait... What?

And Now an apology...

I have been at this for a week (or so) and I have already made a blogging faux pas. I have maligned the esteemed profession of clowndom. (which is not a word - and also not a birth control item for people who like to wear red noses.) In making this mistake I also managed to offend my entire fan base...my sister...who is an actual clown. No seriously, she is a clown and a nurse. Picture Patch Adams without the movie deal. I would like to correct this mistake and say that being a clown is a wonderful thing. We flew together to Indiana once, and the crying child behind us (and his mother) were very pleased to see her pull various funny things out of her chicken shaped purse. She has also gone with Patch Adams to Russia and I couldn't be more proud of her. I'm very sorry that I acted like such a clown. (D'oh!)