Blowin' in the Wind

Sylvia, my wife, is a loving and caring wife. She depends on me. I help around the house. I earn a living. I, apparently, also come in very handy when it comes to being a wind-block! Little did I know that I signed on to be provider of something so basic as protection from a blustery day.

Today, at track practice for Jake, was just about as windy as it gets here in northern California. When we visited friends in Kansas we came home late from a rodeo to their wonderful home (that he built with his own two hands - I once made a cutting board...it was rectangular). I was following them up the long driveway in my truck and I was surprised when he turned his truck to shine his headlights into the pasture. The reason? Their trampoline was in a tree! Ok, you say, so the wind knocked it over and it rolled into a tallish bush. Nope, the wind picked it up and tossed it OVER their three story house and into a tree taller than any I would dare to climb! When they got out of the truck the family said, "Oh, is it up there again?!" AGAIN?!

So Kansas wins the battle of the winds, but for us today was pretty good. In fact I can't wait for the eleven o'clock news so I can see "STORMWATCH 2010!" This was the kind of day when even a complete fool could have gotten a kite to fly. Jake suggested I get out the kite as we were driving home. I'll be talking to him later. Anyway, while we were out walking the dog around the track, holding hands, watching the kids laugh as they leaned but had the wind keep them up...Sylvia let go of my hand, and started to pass behind me. I assumed that she wanted to switch sides so I could heat up her other hand with mine. She started to give me a little hug from behind (sweet) and then she started walking directly behind me. She lovingly says, "What!? You are blocking the wind!" Oh well, it's nice to be needed...and I always wondered why she is always offering me ice cream, better coverage!

On that note, I am not what you might call travel sized for your convenience. I am six foot three (6 - 9 with the afro - which movie?) I am 200 mumble mumble pounds...I take up space! I found out today that I am perfect for being a shield. I am also quite accomplished at holding places in lines, putting my finger on ribbons when someone is trying to tie a bow, and stirring things that are already on the stove. But, apparently, I could also be a ninja. You would never know it to look at me but I am inadvertently stealthy. Picture Andre the Giant in ballet slippers. I would not consider myself (or my high heeled orthopedic shoes) graceful or quiet, but I have scared more people than I can remember! Apparently I am the human equivalent to the cat in a cupboard at the climax of a horror movie. It has gotten so bad that I started announcing my arrival about 15 feet away from my unsuspecting victims. Tapping on walls, shouting HELLOOOOO, whistling a jaunty tune...All are now part of my repertoire to avoid needing to provide CPR.

So, it is nice to have a new marital skill set. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go update my resume.