Air Quotes and the Modern Reader: A Study in Foolishness

 I am officially on summer vacation starting now. Teachers use different methods of determining when their vacation officially begins. For some it is precisely when the kids leave the door on the last day. For others, it is when they go to the after work gathering and finally get hold of that adult beverage that's been calling to them since March. Still others say that vacation begins when keys are turned in to the office and they are no longer required to maintain the classroom. (As a teacher who is notoriously likely to stay in the classroom rearranging, reorganizing, and reevaluating why I have so many items in my room, I would say that I turn in my keys so I am no longer allowed to maintain my classroom.) For many teachers the vacation officially begins the moment they turn off the school-year alarm. For me, the vacation is officially begun the first time I wake up at the time I would normally get up and get ready and do something else instead. Sitting down to write has made it official. Summer break is a go! When do you consider your vacation started?

Today I sat down to write but I could have just as easily sat down to 'read'. If you were here watching me sit alone in the living room, in the dark of the morning, wearing the tuxedo I always wear to write my blog (I feel it gives my writing an air of sophistication) you would wonder why my first activity wasn't sleeping in later than normal. For that you'd have to have a conversation with the hairy beast with no opposable thumbs and therefore cannot open the door to the back yard to go to the bathroom. Our chocolate lab, Bosco (too cute right) is a creature of habit and once he's settled in on a routine, it's pretty much set in stone. That's why I am up at a little after 5 on a day when my responsibilities are my own. "A little after 5!?!" you shout into your computer screen as you decide that I am crazy for letting the dog dictate my timeline. Well, I've tried, on several occasions, to force Bosco to wait a while longer and to just go lay down for a while longer. Let's just say that the results were unpleasant, and required copious amounts of disinfectant and paper towels. It's OK. I can get up and talk to you lovely people. Besides, if I jump up and do something right away for an extra hour each day for a month and a half, it's like I've squeezed another 4 days into my summer vacation! That's not my idea. That's an idea from a book I just 'read' about getting yourself moving and getting things done.

This brings me to what I actually wanted to talk to you about today. I'm guessing that many of you, dear readers, have noticed that I included added little bits of punctuation on the word 'read' both times I've written it. Bravo if you noticed. If you only noticed because you were making a mental note to yell at me for using incorrect grammar, well, your gonna haight dis neckst part uv da sentins. (Writing that caused me physical pain.)  The real reason I added the sky commas was because there is no punctuation, that I'm aware of. that denotes 'air quotes'. So here's the question: Does anyone else feel the need to use air quotes when telling a friend that you have just finished 'reading' an audiobook?

Here's my thinking. Listening to an audiobook feels a little like cheating. If someone tells me that they read a book, I imagine them sitting outside their perfectly kept house, in a lounge chair, with all of their responsibilities neatly managed and time-organized giving them the ability to enjoy a book. Several parts of that sentence rarely apply to me, personally. In the age of self-care I still find it difficult and guilt inducing to take several hours out of future weeks to sit and read a book...even if my dog and I have added 4 days to our summer. When do I feel it's ok to 'read' a book? How about while I'm mowing the lawn? Pop on the noise canceling headphones over my blue-tooth enabled hearing aids and suddenly my menial task is much less unpleasant! I know there are many people who claim that taking care of the yard and garden takes them to their happy place...we'll discuss these crazy people in a later blog. Other 'reading' opportunities? While I'm checking to see if my kindergarten students have colored within the lines. While deciding which of my CD's to take to the Half Price book store. (spoiler alert: all of them.) Doing the dishes, folding clothes, sweeping the floor, driving to and from work (lest you picture me as a modern-day Cinderfella who only does chores around the house...which reminds me, while cleaning the fireplace and chimney!)

The point is, I've found so many times and activities where I can 'read' the books in my digital library without totally checking out and without isolating myself from the family. Although, If I were to sit and actually read on a lounge chair outside, I would get to interact with the family as they each took turns bringing me peeled grapes and glasses of lemonade. I think I need to start 'reading' more non-fiction books. I'm starting to hallucinate about the family!