Hurt Me!

I wrote this title about half a year ago. I jotted down a few sentences but got interrupted by life so I never finished it. While the original beginning to this particular blog post doesn't apply, the general principle does. I woke early this morning and, since I love to write, took the extra time as permission to try to make people laugh.

I started to think what could I write about? Most of the time I just sit and start plunking at the keys. (Think: a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters...I know I've used this analogy in the past but I have never tried it. Mostly because the cost of feeding a million monkeys would be prohibitive, but also, think of the smell!) Today felt different. I needed a reason to write. What's been happening? What's been on my mind? Honestly, lately, I've been thinking about my knees. 

I'm guessing that the most astute among you have already figured out that the only reason a reasonable rational person would think about knees at all is because there was a problem. Even though very few people have called me reasonable or rational...they would be correct. There is a problem. I suppose, rather, more accurately, there was a problem. It's almost the year anniversary of when I tumbled down the cement steps in front of the house. Really I fell off the step-stool on the porch, and then I tumbled down the cement steps in front of my house. Here's the breakdown: (1 middle aged out of shape guy + one rickety 4 foot tall step-stool + 6 cement steps) 32 feet per second/per second = OUCH! And they said I'd never use math again once I got out of school! The correct answer is actually OUCH to the second power since I wrenched the heck out of both knees in the span of a few seconds. It hurt! Each of my big toes was pointing in completely different directions! And different elevations! My core even hurt because I tried to. I don't know, hold myself up by sheer will. I was probably trying to stifle yelling out too. I'd hate to bother the neighbors you know. 

Our kitty-corner back yard neighbor was out walking the dog about 50 feet from my impromptu gymnastic routine. As I struggled to get to a position that would alleviate the pain I caught her eye. It's hard to describe really, but she never moved a muscle to help. She didn't take the slow beginning steps toward our house to see if she could help. She didn't yell out, "Are you OK? Want me to call 911? Nice one!" Nothing! She didn't even raise an eyebrow or nod to say she was another human being in the same vicinity of another human being. She just slowly turned and walked away. She's moved away now. I'll just say that I didn't contribute to her going away present through a haze of tears.

Now I can finally get to the point. I know I have a problem finally doing that. I apologize.

After the initial pain, through trips to the ER and MRI and more medication than I've taken in the last few years combined, I started physical therapy. What a miracle! Here I was getting ready to begin teaching kindergarten again and I was effectively immobile. I don't know if you know anything about kindergarteners, but if they sense weakness they pounce! Just kidding, but it is physically demanding. This is what I told my physical therapist. "HURT ME!" Don't take it easy on me because it looks like I'm in pain...get me to walk without a cane in 4 weeks! As I struggled to get up from repairing the hardwood floor last night, looking like a newborn baby giraffe struggling to get to his feet, I thought about how lucky I am to be able to still do work and, mostly pain free, get up.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to go finish fitting the last few boards into place. I fully understand why those guys earn so much money! Wish me luck!