Yes folks, traditions have to start somewhere and I think this is a fine place to start. My new tradition is; whenever I get a new keyboard for the computer I write a blog post the very next day just to try it out. I realize that it's an obscure tradition and based on past occurrences I would say that I am safe from having to do this particular tradition for another few years at least. Considering that we haven't had a new keyboard in ages and the only reason we have one now is that my mother-in-law bought a new computer and it came with a keyboard that she didn't want. Also, our old keyboard had been abused, and banged on, and rubbed, and dirtied, and whatever, so much that there were a lot of letters that were no longer recognizable.
I considered using the missing letters to explain the complete randomness of some of my recent blogs...but I cannot. It seems that I am burdened by a complete sense of morality and I am forbidden from relaying something that isn't 100% true. Nay! As I sit here in my silk Armani tuxedo and white gloves to protect the keys while writing this blog, I am not looking at the keyboard at all so I cannot use a malfunctioning keyboard as a crutch. You can use a nice sturdy piece of pipe as a crutch but I digress...
Actually, it is really close to my birthday (tomorrow!) and I don't want to anger anyone who may be in the mood to buy me stuff. I'm kidding of course. But that does bring me to a different tradition that I have been adhering to for quite some time. Whenever someone in the family asks me what I would like for my birthday I say, (help me out guys) "Nothing." No seriously. I'm good. I cannot think of a thing that I need. I have a loving family, I have food to eat, I have a great job (some years greater than others), I have a place to live. I'm set. There are things that I would want but, honestly, those aren't in the cards.
Because I get smacked every time I say that I really don't want anything I decided to bump it up a notch. So now when someone asks me what I would like for my birthday I have two things that I ask for. "I want an official Red Ryder carbine action two hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time." Either that or a new eight hundred dollar phone. Yes folks, I am desirous of the new Droid Razr. As much as I have spurned technology in the past, I even have a watch that is a sundial (seriously), I have been awed by this new hunk of electronics. It's got an enormous screen. It's faster than any other phone I've ever seen. And it is so far out of reach that I feel I can ask for it without fearing that someone would really get it for me. I may as well ask for someone to recreate the parade from "And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street" and a Porsche for me to watch it from. It's not going to happen.
You see, the problem is that this blogging venture hasn't taken off quite as lucratively as I originally planned and we, perhaps, could afford a picture of the new Droid Razr...if they happened to send us one in the mail, as an advertisement, for free. Hey look! Right by the new keyboard! A picture of the Razr! My life is now complete! Yes, I had visions of my writing being made into a movie, a really weird movie, (Fred Flinstone will play me) and I would be rich. Well, that hasn't happened and in fact the revenue I have generated from this blog (not counting the $2.00 off coupon for nasal spray) hovers around the nineteen dollar mark. Not per month. Total! It is increasing at a rate of approximately one cent per month so I can practically feel that new phone in my hand.
Actually, the truth of the matter is, since it is my birthday tomorrow and I haven't reached the level of visits to the site that I like per month, I decided to just sit and bang out a random collection of thoughts (on a new keyboard) in a shameless ploy to get people to click over. I would like November to be a month where lots of people come to my blog for some reason. And, as long as I am telling the truth and all. I am not sitting here in a silk Armani tuxedo...it's Brooks Brother's.
happy birthday to me.....happy birthday to meeee.....
I considered using the missing letters to explain the complete randomness of some of my recent blogs...but I cannot. It seems that I am burdened by a complete sense of morality and I am forbidden from relaying something that isn't 100% true. Nay! As I sit here in my silk Armani tuxedo and white gloves to protect the keys while writing this blog, I am not looking at the keyboard at all so I cannot use a malfunctioning keyboard as a crutch. You can use a nice sturdy piece of pipe as a crutch but I digress...
Actually, it is really close to my birthday (tomorrow!) and I don't want to anger anyone who may be in the mood to buy me stuff. I'm kidding of course. But that does bring me to a different tradition that I have been adhering to for quite some time. Whenever someone in the family asks me what I would like for my birthday I say, (help me out guys) "Nothing." No seriously. I'm good. I cannot think of a thing that I need. I have a loving family, I have food to eat, I have a great job (some years greater than others), I have a place to live. I'm set. There are things that I would want but, honestly, those aren't in the cards.
Because I get smacked every time I say that I really don't want anything I decided to bump it up a notch. So now when someone asks me what I would like for my birthday I have two things that I ask for. "I want an official Red Ryder carbine action two hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time." Either that or a new eight hundred dollar phone. Yes folks, I am desirous of the new Droid Razr. As much as I have spurned technology in the past, I even have a watch that is a sundial (seriously), I have been awed by this new hunk of electronics. It's got an enormous screen. It's faster than any other phone I've ever seen. And it is so far out of reach that I feel I can ask for it without fearing that someone would really get it for me. I may as well ask for someone to recreate the parade from "And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street" and a Porsche for me to watch it from. It's not going to happen.
You see, the problem is that this blogging venture hasn't taken off quite as lucratively as I originally planned and we, perhaps, could afford a picture of the new Droid Razr...if they happened to send us one in the mail, as an advertisement, for free. Hey look! Right by the new keyboard! A picture of the Razr! My life is now complete! Yes, I had visions of my writing being made into a movie, a really weird movie, (Fred Flinstone will play me) and I would be rich. Well, that hasn't happened and in fact the revenue I have generated from this blog (not counting the $2.00 off coupon for nasal spray) hovers around the nineteen dollar mark. Not per month. Total! It is increasing at a rate of approximately one cent per month so I can practically feel that new phone in my hand.
Actually, the truth of the matter is, since it is my birthday tomorrow and I haven't reached the level of visits to the site that I like per month, I decided to just sit and bang out a random collection of thoughts (on a new keyboard) in a shameless ploy to get people to click over. I would like November to be a month where lots of people come to my blog for some reason. And, as long as I am telling the truth and all. I am not sitting here in a silk Armani tuxedo...it's Brooks Brother's.
happy birthday to me.....happy birthday to meeee.....
Happy Birthday to You! You are on a roll with these blogs. One more entertaining than the other. Didn't know you can make money off of them either. Guess I can learn something new every day. Maybe you can tell your kinder kids that it's your b-day tomorrow and they can take a collection for your razr? or maybe $10 for each A on their report card? :)
ReplyDelete