The Puzzle That Ate Fremont

I was going to title this, How I spent my Christmas vacation, but I thought that might be to cliche...even for a kindergarten teacher.  As I lay here in a bed that is not my own, less than twenty four hours from when the students come back to class, I thought I would try to squeeze in one more post.  If someone wanted to call me and offer me millions of dollars to write this rambling for a newspaper making it possible for me to stay here another day, I must tell you...I can only wait maybe ten or fifteen more seconds....starting now...ok now...how bout now...crap.  So I need to get up in a bit and start packing for home. 

We started this break much like any teacher does...as part of a spectacularly choreographed dance number where we all throw student work into the air and jump off tables singing about no more kids for two weeks...well that's what we feel like anyway...and when they turn this blog into a movie that is how it will be portrayed.  Kevin Bacon will play me.

Actually, I had a few things to take care of around the house, we needed to finalize the decorating for company, we needed to shop for a few last minute presents, and I needed to get the fire extinguisher to put next to the tree.  Remember, we are German and put real candles on our real tree....real carefully.  On Christmas Eve we spent the evening watching Kristiana perform in the choir at church and then opened presents with Sylvia's side of the family.  On Christmas morning we spent a little time going through our stockings before my family came over in the morning.  There were some very strange looking, rather large, rather smelly, raisinettes in my stocking...and a nasty note from Santa saying that "coal was too good for you!"....but I digress.

When the wrapping paper carnage subsided, we had time to sit and enjoy each other.  Well, Kristiana got a new Ipod and Jake got a new remote control thing-a-majig, so Sylvia and I got to enjoy each other...while working on "the puzzle."  I have no one to blame but myself.  I bought it.  And even with the best of intentions I now see that I should have chosen more carefully.  Allow me to back up a bit.  It was 1996, Kristiana was just a few months old, Sylvia and I were celebrating our third married Christmas, and I thought it would be a good idea to start a tradition.  I actually thought, "this will be fun" but I now see that I was young and foolish.   I bought a puzzle.  You see, I didn't really think about how hard a puzzle whose border was not rectangular would be.  There were also two puzzle ornaments about the size of a Pringles lid where you put together these ornament puzzles and then hang them on the tree.  Those pieces were mixed in with the larger puzzle.  Drat.  I thought we could leave it on a table and when visitors came we could sit and chat and put a few pieces on.  No pressure.  That was the first year...and the last...for more than a decade.

This year I got it out of the bottom of the closet and thought, "This is the year."  When I opened the box I saw what will now become an omen of Christmas peril...melted candy canes...in the box...all over the pieces.  Throw it away, right?  Did I mention that I am cheap...with OCD tendencies?  I lovingly wiped off each sticky piece, threw away the offending canes, and laid the puzzle out (face up) so "we" could begin.  That initial start consisted of us looking at the box, saying, "There are no edge pieces", and then going off to do something else.  Oh sure, occasionally we would get together and put together all the pieces that had words on them.  Those were easy.  There was a woman in a plaid red skirt.  She, and her skirt, remained headless for quite some time.  There was a swan (a swimming) that was relatively easy to piece together, since it was all white...but most of the time we just complained that there were no edge pieces!  In fact, when people came over and saw that we had a puzzle out...and then commented on how brilliant the person who started this tradition must be...would look closer and say, "This thing has no edge!  We have to go."

Such was our misery.  We covered the table when our niece came over.  When we uncovered it, "Noooo!" some parts fell apart.  We moved a light to shine on the table because, of course, that was the reason for our slow progress.  It helped, but in the final assessment we see..."the stupid puzzle has no edges!"  And then we got invited by very generous and wonderful friends to come here, to Angel's Camp CA, to celebrate New Years.  After the first of the year I go back to work, the rest of the family despises the puzzle, I need to at least finish the border or it will be thrown into the box in the first fifteen minutes of my being back in the classroom.  I'm telling you, this puzzle is getting done.  This Year!!

It came down to the day before we left...everything was set, we were mostly packed and were going to leave in the morning.  I decided to try to get at least the border done on this puzzle that was just about half finished.  If the border was done, I thought, then they can't just throw it into the box.  I can stay up a little while longer.  I gathered all the pieces that looked like they should be border, I started trying them all.  Great!  This one fit.  Well that created a weird looking space...I think I saw one that looked like...yes it fit!  Then the edge literally dead ended...no more obvious pieces.  I had to just put a few pieces together in the middle to figure out how to finish the edge. 

Well to make a long blog short...I had a full blown mental break and ended up staying up until three in the morning finishing the puzzle.  Good thing we weren't planning on leaving until noon.

So filled with a sense of completion we came to celebrate the New Year and play in the snow with a group of friends.  I can't tell you about all the fun we had just yet...statute of limitations and all...but we have thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. 

When I go home I plan on taking the puzzle apart and putting it back into the box.  Then I will wrap the box with chains and throw it off a bridge into the murky waters below and prevent others from suffering the same fate...or maybe I'll raffle it off as a prize in my blog!  (insert evil laughter here)