S.E.C. and Me

I would be willing to bet that this has happened to you.  Picture this.  Standing in line (bank, store, amusement park...free caviar and gold ingot line at the country club...whatever) and something happens.  It doesn't matter what it is, just something out of the ordinary. And then it occurs.  The Shared Experience Conversation, or SEC for short.  Not to be confused with the Security Exchange Commission which will just have to change their name for the sake of the common good.  I'm sure more people have had these conversations than have understood what the other SEC is doing.  I have a feeling they are just a fraternity prank that has gone horribly wrong.  But I digress...

You've all seen it and been part of it at some point in your lives, but until now it has not been given a name.  You know the signs.  It all starts with a collection of people.  How many times have you been in line at the grocery store when there aren't enough lanes to help everyone?  Once?  Ok, I can continue.  Then the person at the front of the line has an issue, real or imaginary...it doesn't matter, it's an issue...SEC.  They announce that the movie you have been waiting in line to see is sold out until the midnight showing...SEC.  You get up and gather with a group of parents in the freezing cold at 5:30 because there was a rumor that they had a shipment of Wii game systems the week before Christmas...SEC.  You can sense it.  There will be a delay.  And then it occurs.  People start to pivot their necks, eyebrows raised. eye contact is made, perhaps a shrugged shoulder, it is inevitable...positive or negative...someone will say something.

"They never have enough checkers."
"They have all of the spaces at the window but there are no tellers."
"I can't believe I am doing this...can you not feel your toes either?"
"Is it me or is that DMV worker actually walking backward?"

I would like to point out that I am not prepared to talk about DDS (Dumbass Driver Syndrome) at this point even though there are similar characteristics.  When people at a stoplight need to collectively slam on their brakes because one more clown speeds through a red light...DDS.  When you have waited in the long offramp lane on the bumper to bumper freeway and someone speeds down the shoulder to jump in at the last possible moment...DDS.  This I will need to save for a future posting.

Trying to be the nice, forgiving, and extremely introverted soul that I am, When faced with SEC I usually shrug and nod and try to give a look that says, "I feel your pain" or even, "I'm with you."  I'm not one to initiate the conversation, usually, since I have been in these workers' shoes before, and I always hated it when people complained about things that were out of my control.  But someone always falls victim to the effects of SEC and they are usually right next to me...I must have one of those faces.

My face, and the contents of my shopping cart, spurred an attack of SEC just last night. Jake and I were in Safeway to pick up a few things for a dinner we are making for a new mom, and we were waiting to check out when someone's bag of sugar sprang a leak. The checker called for a replacement bag, the customer started the the payment process, and the person ahead of me got a case of SEC induced swivel neck. When he turned my way he looked down into our cart and said, "I didn't know they had that here."
"Uh huh."
"Oh you have to be careful. Did you know what's in that? They do this and then that and then everything good is gone and everything bad remains. Its shocking to think. Its terrible, its awful, same as rat poison, you're gonna die."

I'm paraphrasing of course but you get the idea. And I am purposefully not telling you what the offending item was.  But let me say that everyone, I mean everyone, has had it at one point in their lives.  When I just nodded and smiled he continued.

"The zimafram from the waxamoop has too much zifflemix for the kooklafran and I hear the gradimenters are too ploscitudinal for the body to absorb."

Even though I knew better than to encourage him, I said, "Really?"

"Yeah, it's shameful."

Nothing was happening up front at the register..."oh?"

And then he came in with his closer..."Yup, everyone should be living to about two hundred years old but because of all this, that "they" are doing, it is keeping us from living that long."

"200?  Hmm.  That's something else."  (when I was thinking...I have seen some 100 year olds in my day...Wouldn't want to do another hundred years of that.)

By now the sugar bag had been replaced, line started moving, and the doctor (I can only assume) paid for his large bottle of some sort of alcoholic beverage (seriously), and walked away.  I think I know why his life expectency is not going to be in the 200s.  Oh well, live and let live. 

When he was gone, Jake came out of hiding from behind me and I tried to pay for my things as quickly as possible so the people behind me didn't start talking about my food selections as well...or felt the need to have a Shared Experience Conversation concerning my newest friend...I do have that kind of face.