Who Me?

I know it's been a while since I've written...I cannot tell you how many stories are just floating around inside this cavernous cranium of mine waiting to come out in words...but alas, I have started earning my keep again.  The writing will have to be fit in when I can.  While I am still in the "nuts and bolts" portion of the blog, allow me, once again, to thank you for coming and checking this out.  I've even gotten a few compliments out walking around my daily life...I gotta tell you, that feels nice. 

I have assigned a new goal to the blog.  Whenever a musician hears his or her song on the radio, they know they've arrived.  I really doubt that any radio, anywhere, would read my words over the air.  Whenever my family would see something in the newspaper that was worthy of repeating they would clip it out and send it to me.  Then I would, and you know where I am going with this, put it on my refrigerator with a magnet.  That is my new goal.  I now want to see my writing that has been printed out and posted on the refrigerator of a stranger.  How would I know?  Well I have started breaking into houses all over the tri-cities area to do random refrigerator checks.  Nothing yet, unfortunately.  Remember I said "a stranger's house" so if you are a follower of the blog that doesn't count and your house is relatively safe...but one of you really needs to change the toilet paper roll in the back bathroom.  It's been out for two days!

Now that that's off my chest, I can start to write about what I really wanted to talk about.  A kindergarten story.  I believe the statute of limitations has expired and I won't name names so I think I am safe.  The final words of this story have become a punch-line of sorts around the school.  I hope you enjoy it.

It was a calm clear day and, more importantly, I wasn't absolutely stressed about needing to get something done in my classroom while my students ate their lunch.  (It could happen)  I decided to hang around in the lunch room and socialize with my little ones.  It was a fairly tough year (and I have taught everything from high school emotionally disturbed kids to elementary aged special needs kids...so this is saying something) and I was just making a break-through.  I wanted to keep the momentum going. I was walking around teasing the kids, "Is that for Mr. Garrett?" "Did anyone save me a piece of pizza?" "No? Rats!" The kids and I were having a good time and I sat in an empty spot at the long cafeteria table when all of a sudden behind me... BLAM!!  The next few seconds played out in slow motion and I will remember them forever.

I turned around and was face to face with two very shocked and very messy students.  I cannot do the scene justice but I will try to describe the fallout.  It will be much easier when they put this into the movie about my blog...Orson Wells will play me.  In front of me were two 5 year old girls, side by side.  One of them was covered with varying degrees of lettuce, croutons, noodles, ranch dressing, and topped off with what looked like about a gallon of chocolate milk slowly draining down her face, neck, and arms.  She was still holding what was left of her tray and her expression was a mixture of "Huh?" and "What do I do now?"  It was really sort of comical but I have been doing this long enough to know that I would really hurt this child's feelings if I were to start laughing hysterically. 

This was also a rare moment of clarity for me.  As a teacher (and as a parent) I find that I, quite often, need to work out the details of what happened and then decide my course of action.  Not this time.  I was right there!  I turned around the instant after it happened!  I was also absolutely positive that there was no malice in this situation.  No kids were running off and laughing while these two suffered.  There were no angry looks anywhere near us.  Both of the girls had looks of "what the heck just happened?"  I knew there was no punishment to be doled out, I didn't even need to break into my "teacher face," there was just a mess to be dealt with and a child to be consoled.  Child, not children.  Allow me describe the other girl now.

She was equally covered by the edible debris...on exactly half of her body.  She looked like she had been lovingly draped with a drop-cloth that only covered the right side of her body and then had it taken away just before I looked.  She was surprised but not terribly upset and even managed to take a bite of the apple that was in her hand. 

I tried to convey that I knew nobody was at fault in this caloric catastrophe and that I knew it was just a horrible accident, but I couldn't quite piece together how this could have happened...unless they started placing tiny explosive devices in the milk cartons.  I just couldn't help myself.  I asked the holder of the tray, "Honey!  What happened!?"

The other girl said, taking another bite of her apple, covered with as much food as anyone next to the epicenter of a foodquake should be, and with as straight a face as you could possibly imagine said, 
"I wasn't there."
Not "I didn't do it."  Not "It wasn't my fault."  Not even "Boy, did you get the license of that truck?"  She actually said, "I wasn't there."  And this is when I started laughing...and I thought (but didn't say) "I hope you have fun in prison sweety."

So now I have an out.  Every time something bad happens, I can just say, "I wasn't there."  Works like a charm.

I hope you learned something from today's blog...and I also hope you send this to your cousin to post on her refrigerator.