I'm Baa-ack!

It feels like I have been away from this computer for a month. In reality it has only been 8 days. Sorry to disappoint all of you...but I decided to start writing again. (See what I did there...you thought I was going to talk about being gone and then I turned it around...I crack myself up). But seriously, we have had a bit of excitement here at Casa de Siete Rosas (it means house of seven roses. I just thought it sounded better than The Loony Bin...and both names are appropriate.) We have decided to have a garage sale.

I suppose this is where I should take advantage of this forum to advertise where and when it is but I would hate to be fined by the city for causing a traffic jam. You know, S.I.T.C.O.M. memorabilia collectors, Paparazzi, police in riot gear, the neighbors complaining because the line to get autographs is keeping them from being able to move their cars out of the driveway one way, the line of people hoping that I will change my mind and start signing body parts blocking driveways the other way, dogs and cats living together...mass hysteria! (snuck in a line from a movie...guesses?)

Actually, I thought about putting in the address for a millisecond then thought that "Moron Puts Home Address Into His Blog" might not be the best headline and certainly no way to sell our junk, I mean valuable merchandise. Al Bundy had an explanation for garage sales as he talked to his daughter Kelly.

"See honey, lawn sales are based on the bigger idiot theory. You know, you sell
things so dumb that some bigger idiot would buy it. But the flaw on that theory
is eventually, you will get to the head idiot. And you call her mom."

Now his mistreatment of his wife aside, I would like to think that we have a slightly better perception of our sale. We have toys and games that the kids have outgrown, we have furniture that no longer suits our needs, we have appliances that came to us "to try" that "we tried but didn't like"...we do not have a moose head with only one antler. We are fresh out of neon beer signs that have burping sound effects. And we are keeping the sixty five pound plaster-of-Paris angel with the cracked wing...just kidding, the wing is fine. We seriously have good intentions about the things we are bringing to the driveway. The motivation for the sale is where the rubber hits the road.

We have decided that since we aren't going on a big camping trip this year we should get a handle on the clutter in the house. I know there are some of you who have no concept of what clutter is like. "But Jeff, whatever do you mean? If it has no purpose I get rid of it straight away. I thought all people thought like me." I get it. A book we have on getting organized called people like you "cleanies" and you just don't get it. We may need that, so we are going to hang onto it for a while. Then it comes time to straighten and places get homes. "Oh that space on the shelf in the garage is where the single shot cappuccino maker that your brother gave us, goes." Before you judge, we have never been approached by the creators of the show Hoarders to do a week long special and I have personal knowledge of someone who has a drawer in their kitchen dedicated to bread that has been toasted but never eaten...so back off. (you have to imagine a little texting smiley face there to show that I am not really angry or even getting snippy...this expressing yourself with words thing is tricky) On the other end of the spectrum I know someone who got a sweater as a present, he went over to his closet, took out the old sweater, replaced it with the new one, and put the old one in the donate box. What on earth would I need two sweaters for, happily running through his brain. That will never be me.

We are happily in the middle ground. It's just that every once in a while we are a little lax in the deciding of what we actually will need, and we are both a little on the sentimental side. Nothing wrong with keeping things that have special meaning but if something has a really special meaning then it shouldn't be living in a box in the garage for months, years, or even decades at a time. And this time of going through the garage I have not been able to figure out why, in the name of all that is holy, I would keep a college textbook on environmental law that merely reminded me of the only "C+" I got in college. (To clarify and put an end to the endless harassment I am sure my smart aleck readers are building up before it begins...the C+ was the worst grade I got. Not the best.)

We, as a family, are doing a great job. We are working in the morning until we get burned out and then we collectively take a break for the rest of the day. We have gone to the swim park, gone to the amusement park, and even smaller things like rent a movie and watch it together. We have taken our bags of cans and bottles to the recyclers to cash them in. We have cleared out the areas that have gathered items for a garage sale all over the house in the nebulous future and put them into the garage for a specific date. And we have gone through and shredded about three acres worth of trees of old bills, receipts, and records that are no longer applicable. It's very freeing! We are still trying to figure out how to determine which things need to stay and which need to go...and trying to put an end to the piles. Sylvia and I are both "pilers" when it comes to paperwork. Again, some of you No Idea, and some of you feel my pain. I think the problem is that we both have really good memories so I can go to a certain place and pull out the paper that I need. Oh sure, I could put everything away in an alphabetical system of drawers but where is the challenge in that!?

Big deal! You can do Sudoku. Can you find the utility bill for last year May without making a paper avalanche? I thought not!

Good thing our garbage and recycling trucks are now automated and have arms that pick up and dump the heavy monstrosities without human help. If you live on our block you may even see us sneaking to other peoples' cans to unload a little extra after you have put them out for the pickup night. Kidding...sort of. (I once got rid of a giant tree that blocked ALL the light into two windows in one weekend by this method...and I never had to load the truck to the dumps once!)

So one more benefit of going through old paperwork is finding some of my old writing. I have discovered that I have been writing a blog for years and never knew it! My creative writing teacher in college (this is where the smart alecks say, "Get your money back.") had us write a journal of sorts. I found some of these, on continuous feed paper, with dot matrix printing. I glanced at some of them and the notes from the teacher on these writings and she said, "You should write these out and keep going so your family has a record of your life." Enter the blog. I think I may copy some of these things out for future entries complete with the teacher's comments for effect. We'll see.

Until then, I need to get going on the finishing touches for the sale. If anyone has the need for a Sign from the Hotel Coral Essex where only a few of the letters have fallen off drop me a line, I will send you directions to the house...bonus points if you can tell me what movie that is from.