"Can" I Help You?

I am not normally a grammatical gestapo agent. I, on occasion, have been known to end my sentences with prepositions. I do not smack people when they mix up their, there, and they're when they're writing to me. I will even let it slide when people mix up "I" and "me" in sentences (but mostly because that one still gets I...or gets me...oh never mind). Having said that, I would like to take today's post to talk about something that is not necessarily a grammatical problem but more along the lines of a usage quirk...and in the process I get to poke fun at people in my family. Win Win.


Actually, one of my deep fears is that one of my elementary school teachers gets hold of my blog, prints it out, and sends me a copy complete with about three pens worth of red ink. (shudder) I once had a teacher tell my parents, in front of me, that my papers look like someone "shot them with special machine guns that could only shoot commas." Is, it, any, wonder, that, I, am, the, way, I, am? Still, not what I wanted to talk about.


Today I would like to talk about going out to eat. This is a nostalgic topic for me since we are trying to save money and going out to eat seems to be the opposite of saving money. Besides, our wonderful daughter is becoming quite the chef and I want to encourage her in every way I can. Apparently having kids in high school and junior high is another way to not save money, but I digress.

I don't want to overstate things at all but THIS POST WILL DRAMATICALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE, FOREVER!! At this point I feel that I should warn you. Reading further will completely change the way you go out to eat. No seriously, I once read an article by Ray Orrock (our local paper's former humor columnist) where he described getting ice from the freezer. It was so insightful I cannot get ice from our freezer without thinking of him. His question, "Why does one ice cube try to escape the freezer (commit ice cube suicide) every time I grab a handful?"

Believe it or not I am not writing about his observation, I have one of my own. What I have noticed is that when people go out to eat they usually talk. Not earth shattering I know. The point is, eventually, inevitably, someone during the meal will talk about other places to eat. When I go out to eat with friends it is amazing how often the subject of restaurants comes up. Other restaurants that we are not currently eating at. (curse you ending preposition! I think I may tell you my favorite preposition joke at the end of today...get ready, it's PG13)

I have no idea why people, who are currently eating food, feel the need to talk about eating food...at other places! If you didn't want to eat here you could have said so and we would have gone to the place you are talking about. Or is that not it, you need a mouthful of food to make you decide what you want to eat. If that were the case I see a huge need for a new type of restaurant:

Having trouble deciding where to eat? Always take one bite and then wish you
went somewhere else? Do your ice cubes jump out of the freezer whenever you
try to get a few for your drink?

We have the restaurant for you! Come to One Bite Only!

Eat one bite and then go somewhere else!

I don't know about everyone else but that would work for my family. We were just lucky enough to be taken out to dinner last night and I tried to keep track of all other restaurants about which we have talked. (See...ending with a preposition here would have 'sounded' better). Let's see...we talked about Ihop and their funny face pancakes. We discussed a rib restaurant for a second. We breezed through a fast food place. We even discussed how Chinese restaurants operate in Germany. (to be fair we were in a Chinese restaurant and our host had just gotten back from Germany the week before)

I am wondering if this is a universal occurrence or if this is some sort of thing that happens when only my friends and family get together. These are the thoughts that occupy my time.

Another thing that I have noticed, usually when my family goes out to eat, is that people will say, "Can I get the Chicken Alfredo?"

I have nothing against a good chicken alfredo...I have devoted a good portion of my life trying to find the ultimate chicken alfredo...No! I am concerned that the people I am with do not fully grasp the basic premise of a restaurant. You see, I explain to the people in my family...no one specific so as not to embarass (but she always remembers my birthdays and I call her something that rhymes with wom)...that the folded piece of paper they brought us describes what we "can" get so you basically just need to tell them which one you wanted. It would be different if she asked, "Can I still get the special?" or "Do you serve breakfast all day long?" But this peculiar questioning of the waitress happens almost every time. It's almost as if we were looking for some sort of confirmation from the server.

"Can I get the lasagna?"

Sucking in breath and making a sour lemon face. "Oooooh. Sorry. Your doctor just called and he's not too happy about your triglyceride numbers. He suggested you get the small green salad with the balsamic vinegar dressing on the side. Hold the croutons. He did say if you cleaned your plate you could either have a small bowl of Jello, no whipped cream, or an after dinner mint."

Head held low. "okaaaay...I gueeeesss. I never get to have any fun."

So pay attention to the next time you go out to eat. I am willing to bet that someone will talk about another place to eat and another person will ask permission to order straight from the menu. Let me know if I'm wrong!

...and now for the PG13 preposition joke...

A Texan walks onto the campus of Harvard Law School and comes up to the first person he sees to ask a question in his southern drawl.

"Excuse me. Can you tell me where the administration building is at?"

The pretentious snit answers back in his best impersonation of Thurston Howell III, "Sirrrr, This is Haaarvaaard Laaaw Schooool. Weeee dooo not end our sentences with prepositions."

The Texan answers back, "Oh I see. 'scuse me. Can you tell me where the administration building is at, asshole?"

I crack myself up! Have a great day!