First I want to tell you that I am writing this from home, we are well, and we are unharmed. There is no reason to be alarmed....anymore. I need to include these little foreshadowy "Everything is OK" disclaimers in some of my blogs because my mom is an avid reader and if I talk about the possibility of doom and/or gloom I don't want her to be upset. She's kind of a worrier.
All right let's see if I can work in some suspense now....
There we were. In the middle of the forest. Sounds that Sylvia had never heard before were coming from behind us and getting closer. I stopped to take a picture of something that very literally could have killed us...but it didn't. (I already understand that you know I am ok. Not just because I told you. Who do you think is writing this?)
Major exaggeration aside, we had a very nice time walking around the Armstrong Woods State preserve in Guerneville, CA. It was a pleasant day and the weather was not hot enough to really complain about, especially since we were in shade almost the entire time. Oh wait, I was trying to be suspenseful...I'll just tell you, something did happen! (this is when the soundtrack guy would play "dun dun DUNNNNNN" on the organ. Unless he was dead! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!! And that is why you should always keep a spare soundtrack guy.)
The day started at a winery in Healdsburg because the Groupon deal we got included a complimentary wine tasting. We're not huge wine drinkers, recent blog posts to the contrary, but we enjoy a tasting here and there. We have been on making decision overload recently so Sylvia put me in charge of the decision making for the trip. (dun dun DUNNNNNN!) [Yes, very funny soundtrack guy. Thank you.
I planned on going to the tasting about lunchtime and then we would go exploring the woods that our hotel manager suggested for something else to do in the area. But seriously, if wine tasting is your thing, the Healdsburg area is a fine place to go. The map has a dot for each winery on it. The map looked like it had a very bad case of chicken pox! I couldn't get us the Groupon near the beach, Sylvia's favorite happy spot, so the woods was a close second. If I ever find the guy who bought that beach deal out from under me...(dun dun DU...) OK Soundtrack guy. Take a break.
At the winery we met a very nice couple, Kris and Bruce, who were celebrating their 35 anniversary and we decided to enjoy the patio while having a relaxing conversation. It was funny how much we had in common with them and we enjoyed talking to them for an hour or so while Sylvia and I drank water and ate the very trendy breadsticks the winery provided. I only mention the water so that the next part doesn't get blamed on the wine.
We said goodbye to our new friends, made the obligatory comment about maybe bumping into them again since we had similar plans for the evening, and went on our way. Kris and Bruce went to another winery to meet their kids and I made the fateful decision to drive to the woods. (ooh "fateful!" This is getting good!) I got directions on my phone and we started on what it said would be a fifteen minute trip. We started out well but it turns out that the woods, as is generally the case, are reached through winding roads. That, in addition to Sylvia trying to take care of some business on her phone while we drove, added up to a little car-sickness. Ordinarily she'd get out her bottle of peppermint, take a whiff, and we'd be off as if nothing happened. Good plan. Unless you give your bottle of peppermint to a friend who was worried about their upcoming trip and you forget to replace it in your purse. With the combination of careful slow driving, fresh air, and a Gatorade from an angel, we got to the woods.
The guy at the entrance to the woods was pretty helpful. He said, "So I could charge you $7 or you could see if there is parking at the visitor center you just passed and walk in. You might find a space." Word to the wise. Park at the visitor center. We are used to state and national parks. The kind of parks that take a half a day to drive through. The kind that have multiple entrances. The kind that don't have employees that tell you how to get away without paying to get in. We parked in one of the dozens of empty spaces and walked in. The ranger said there were generally two places to go as people hike through the park. We found the trail head and we were off. Almost as soon as you start walking in, you see the Parson Jones tree. It's about 310 feet tall! Huge and impressive sure but California is known for our big trees. Moving on. We veered (this veering is integral to the story and the intrigue...dun dun Dun) away from that tree and headed to the next. The Colonel Armstrong tree is only 308 feet tall but it has a better publicist so they named the park after it. From there we discovered that there was another tree to see! We veered again on the new trail and we went to see the icicle tree. They don't tell us how tall it is since the interesting thing about it is all the burl that used to be around the base of the tree. Yes, "used to be." Vandals have taken away most of what made this poor tree spectacular. There's a sign that explains it...and if you read between the lines it also explains why people say there are two trees to see in the woods.
Thanks for sticking with me, this is the part of the story where the magic happens! We started to walk away from the tree and head back toward the front of the park and Sylvia started to head to the left while I headed to the right. Did you hear me!?! Sylvia wanted to go left and I was sure we needed to go right! Come on soundtrack guy! Do Your Stuff! (dun dun dun) Uh huh, very funny. We're all amused. It turns out that I was right! Sylvia, my lovely bride, my literal guidepost, the human GPS, was confused about which way to go. I have said numerous times that if it weren't for Sylvia I would have died long ago while circling the freeways around Chicago...while on a trip to the store for milk. Sylvia, on the other hand, enjoys wandering in the woods with no discernible plan or path because, "It's fun to find my way back." On this day, the 31st day of July in the year of our Lord 2018, Jeff knew the correct direction to go (which also happened to be right) and Sylvia did not. I think it was the curvy road, the earlier wine tasting, the loop we made as we turned back to the parking lot, and the barometric pressure that added to her GPS glitch. Whatever it was, I realize that it was a one-time thing. Whenever the GPS on my phone glitches I grab it and swing it around in the air in a figure eight pattern. I think we'll take a different approach with Sylvia.
So we made it out of the woods. We made it back to the hotel. We altered our evening plans a tiny bit because Sylvia wasn't feeling 100%. Consequently we did not bump into Kris and Bruce that night and we never saw them again. Gee, I hope they're OK.
{Dun Dun DUNNNNN!!!!}
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