D'oh!!

I have the finely tuned reflexes of a jungle jungle cat!  Of course that isn't true but I thought it would be a great way to start off today.  I have more the slow and depressed reflexes of a partially sedated sexagenarian.  (it's a real word...look it up)  Well that isn't quite true either but I always wanted to use the word sexagenarian in a blog post.    No seriously, even as a small child.  (now if I can just think of a way to sneak in the word icosidodecahedron, I will consider myself a success)  Actually, my reflex rating rests comfortably in the middle of those two extremes.  I am happy with that and it brings me to the topic of today's post.

Did you ever notice that you can predict what a moron driver is going to do by the dents on his car?  Maybe it is just the strangely observant mind that is -Jeff Garrett, Blogger- that can do this at this point, but you can learn.  The other day as I was driving to something very expensive and very tax deductible that I will think of later (in case the IRS is monitoring my blog) a sedan pulled alongside the driver's side of my truck.  As I glanced over (defensive driving is my life) I noticed that the rear fender of this nondescript car looked like it had been bumped at least two different times.  I decided to slow down to give him some room when WHOOSH!  He made a very hard right from the very soft left lane.  He made it to his corner and, since I had already started to slow down, I made it to my imaginary tax write off unscathed.  It never ceases to amaze me what some people are capable of.

In my travels as a driver I have had some experience.  From the time I was little I knew that I wanted to drive.  I remember watching all the old Disney movies about cars that had special gifts, Herbie, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Christine (actually that last one may have been Pixar) but I especially remember one that was like a mock documentary of car fanatics.  It had Kurt Russell in it (what old Disney film didn't?) and it showed a baby being born.  Disney style of course.  Nothing National Geographic-like and the "baby" was probably 4 months old.  But what happened was they held up the baby to spank its bare bottom (cutting edge for Disney) and instead of crying, the baby went "beep beep."  While I am nowhere near that sort of enthusiast I do appreciate being behind the wheel of any kind of vehicle and I have been doing it for a while.  I have even had a few jobs where driving was the main part of the job. 
"Jeff!  Sorry, you have to get this to the other side of the bay and there isn't enough time.  You'll have to push the pedal to the metal a bit." 
"Okaaay.  If I gotta."  while inside I am jumping up and clicking my heels (what can I say...I was very affected by the early Dr Pepper commercials) that I am getting paid to drive!  Bring it on!

Back to the point for today.  I cannot tell you how many times the person with the fender turned under has stopped short in front of me.  If I reach a four way stop with someone who has dents on the front fenders, I give the wave or the flash of lights to say "you go ahead and leave my paint where it is."  One time a car pulled up next to me that looked like it was made of alunimun, allumimum, albumin, (what do you know, that word is as hard to spell as it is to pronounce) so this car looked like a-l-u-m-i-n-u-m foil that had been crumpled into a ball and then partially smoothed out into the shape of a car.  I pulled to the curb and walked home.  Paranoid?  Perhaps.  Dented fenders?  Not this cowboy or his Kentucky Cadillac.  That's a pick up truck for those of you who are primarily from California.  Of course I am from San Francisco so I have no room to talk.  My family is in Kentucky though.  Great place Kentucky...5 million people, eight last names!

I need to log off now.  We are going on safari to the Rennaisance Faire after church today.  I am guessing I will have plenty to write about tomorrow!  Prithee, wouldst thou wisht me-eth to delivereth a turkeyth legth to thine personage...eth?