Oh Say Can You SEE?

I wanted to 'see' if I could try something new.  I will 'watch' to 'see' if there are any adverse reactions. In 'hindsight', I may have wanted to rethink this.  I should have 'seen' that there could be opposition.  I just hope I can 'open some people's eyes'.  'Look' out world...here it comes!

The other day my longtime neighbor and friend, Sammy, wrote this as her Facebook status:

"ok, I'm ready for this discussion to happen. Why is it because I'm blind people think I can't say stuff like "I watched that movie," or "guess who I saw," people freak out and say "you mean you heard?" Do I really have to change my vocabulary to make you feel more comfortable?"

The obvious answer is, "No" but that wasn't her point.  She wasn't looking for an answer.  She is a strong woman who isn't really concerned about whether or not her expressions make you feel uncomfortable.  The thing is, this one post ignited a squall of comments and after a while I 'saw' that I could no longer 'watch' from the sidelines.  (I apologize...I am almost done.  I don't want to 'look' like a fool.)

All right, full disclosure time.  I like words.  I actually love them and I choose certain ones specifically to create the feeling I desire.  I remember once, a long long time ago, when I was saying good bye to Sammy in her driveway, I uttered something along the lines of "Ok, see you later."  She, with her ever-present smile, responded, "OK, see you later."  I've said things like this my whole life.  But this day I cringed.  I even hesitated as I got to the word "see" and tried, as my face turned red, to desperately search for a word that would work for a "non-sighted person of otherwise able capabilities."  (You have to understand that I was raised in the epicenter of political correctness)  I probably went in and talked it over with my family..."I could have said talk to you later.  I'm so stupid."  I was able to get over this little incident (with years of therapy and self-loathing) and I became a moderately productive member of society.  Sammy, on the other hand, may have noticed that I hesitated in my sentence, thought that I swallowed a bug, and went on with her very happy life.  

During the lengthy Facebook comment discussion session many sighted and blind people commented.  The consensus was, from the sighted people: We try to be careful with what we say because we have been conditioned to try to not make anyone feel bad.  And from the blind responders: We get what you mean.  SAY IT! and then move on.  The only time we feel uncomfortable is when you feel uncomfortable.  If we don't "see" what you mean, we will ask.  in fact, one of her friends wrote that when he was at OCB (Which I Googled and found out was Orientation Center for the Blind) people would say, "Hear you later." when saying good bye.  Interestingly, that expression made him uncomfortable.  I'm afraid I would agree.  I mean, if I were to become blind and went there, I would probably say something like that as a joke...if I wanted to make others uncomfortable.  It would be similar to when kids teased each other as they left the playground, "Smell you later."  

Others commented about other ridiculous things that people do around others who are blind.  One, of course, is the natural instinct to speak louder.  This, of course, is nonsense.  Everyone knows that you only speak louder when you are talking to someone who doesn't know any English and they looked at you blankly the first time.  (If just saying it louder doesn't help, try e-nun-see-ate-ing every syllable to get your point across.  Works like a charm.)  

Without having any standing or authority in the matter because I am not blind although I do have a fairly healthy tri-focal prescription and I am partially colorblind. (That last part was supposed to sound like someone who says an offensive joke but then says it's ok...my [cousin, wife, friend] is [part of that group]) I am going to just offer my opinion.  I think the entire idea that we, as a society, have become so afraid to hurt someone's feelings, that we have slipped into a time of being afraid to say anything.  I think that is sad.  

I'm not saying I'm above it...I'm just observing.  Not too long ago Sammy also wrote something about how people on Twitter were suggesting that she was pretending to be blind to, I don't know, get sympathy?  Maybe.  Get followers?  Perhaps.  Lure people to her secret island so she could take over their brains and rule the world?  Probably not.  I personally don't see why anyone who wasn't an actor, getting paid for it, would pretend to be blind.  But there you go.  Such is life on Twitter.  Anyway, I commented, "You're blind!?  No wonder you didn't wave back when I walked by your kitchen window."  Was it funny?  Some might think so.  (I personally thought it was hilarious...what can I say, I crack myself up.)  But, I half-held my breath until Sammy hit the "like" button to show that it was OK to mention something like that.  Before writing this post I mentioned to her that I thought this was an interesting topic and that I wanted to write about it.  Had she not given me her blessing I would have felt funny writing about this.  It's that same old, "I don't know what to say so I just won't say anything." disease.  Don't get me wrong, I would have written about it...but I would have felt funny.  As it is, I am planning to send this over to Sammy to see if I have missed anything and to "see" if she wants to give her perspective before I hit "publish".

I'm not saying that this is the definitive word on the subject.  I have no point of reference for what it is like to be blind.  Well, that's not entirely true.  In some ways I think that we are all blind to something or other.  It can just be our perception.  It can be things that we see everyday.  It could also be how well our eyes play tricks on us.  During the discussion a few of her blind friends started talking about watching movies and specifically The Sixth Sense.  Spoiler alert:  Bruce Willis is a ghost.  Sammy and her friends talked about how boring the movie was because the big suspenseful climax happened at the beginning of the movie.  When that movie came out it was the big hush-hush hit of the season.  "Don't tell!"  "You'll love the surprise ending!"  Well I guess for people who were really paying attention it was a big snooze fest.  

I had noticed, because we see each other often, that Sammy uses a lot of expressions that cannot be taken literally.  I noticed them, thought it was interesting, and then filed it away in my brain along with all of the other random things that I notice that other normal people don't.  I had always attributed it to her mother, who I once had the pleasure to interview, and her "go get it" attitude.  It seemed like her philosophy was, You got a heartbeat...go do all the things you want to do!  I don't hold the same explanation anymore.  Now I think, she is a person who should be able to say whatever she wants and anyone who tries to "correct" her on something as trivial as that is just downright rude...and frankly being a little "shortsighted."  (Sorry, I had to squeeze in one more.)