It is important and helpful to learn the customs of foreign lands that you are traveling to. Strict adherence to these customs is never expected, but the sooner you pick up on these subtle (and not so subtle) habits the more you will put your host at ease and the more you will enjoy your trip.
I have already spoken of the seemingly universal need to always have food and/or drink in front of your guests. I am learning to embrace this one although it goes against my familial training to refuse food or drink so as to not to inconvenience the host. If I were to crawl out of the desert, wearing my crawl out the desert outfit of tattered shirt and dark Capri style pants that are frayed at the bottom, and came to a friend who offered me something to drink, I would be genetically coded to say, "No thanks, I found some damp sand about thirty miles ago. I'm good, but thanks." I am actually working on this one at home too. Whenever I offer something to someone in my house I would be perfectly happy if it was taken. I, however, am not saddened if my offer of something to drink is not accepted. I'm not so sure that is the case here.
Another European custom is that of shaking hands when you meet. Now I know some of you will say that this is an American custom as well, but it's different here somehow. In America it sometimes depends on age, gender, or location as to whether or not you shake hands. Sometimes an adult won't shake a child's hand, or a man may shake only the hands of the men, or not at all if, for instance, there are a lot of people sitting around a large table. The new person may get a nod or a wave when the seated people are named. Usually someone will quip, "There's going to be a test. Heh heh." This would never fly in Germany. Each person, no matter the circumstances, shakes the hand of each person they meet. It can be a little comedic as groups meet groups and the various combinations of new introductions take place.
I believe, after hours of imaginary research, that the custom of grasping each other's hands began as a way to show that you were meeting in a friendly way and you weren't holding a weapon, a subpoena to appear, or a baby whose diaper was past its prime. As two people met, they would hold out their open weapon hand to the side, upon seeing that both were empty they would grasp the forearm of the other person and squeeze, as if to say, "I didn't bring my sword, but I could still throw you to the ground with my impressive grip." This is a variation of when the Saxons first sailed to the shores of South Dakota looking for the mythical fountain of frozen yogurt. They held BOTH opens hands at their sides when meeting...but this led to many bearskin clad warriors running awkwardly toward each other, in slow motion, through fields of daisies. It was an strange and difficult time. Given its original intent, and its apparent lack of need in this day and age, it seems strange that it still continues...but it does. I can say that in my many decades of greeting people, when I put out my empty hand the number of times I am greeted by a spiked iron ball dangling on a chain is probably no more than three...five tops.
Sylvia prepared us for these practices as we started our journey, but something has begun here that she was unaware of. She was spot on for greetings. I've shaken more hands than a politician. What she didn't know about were farewells. The new custom when people say goodbye is new to her. And, unlike the hard and fast handshake rule, this new rule is complex with differing levels of expression. I, being a semi-careful observer, held back the first time to see how it was done.
When people who know each other well say goodbye they now hug, press their cheek to the cheek of the other person and then switch to touch opposite cheeks. It seems a little French to me, but C'est la Vie! If the people are related, then the cheek touching is done in combination with a kiss (or a kissing sound in the air in some cases). When people depart who are just friendly toward each other, then there might only be one cheek contact (kissy sound optional). When people who have just met say goodbye, it can be done with another handshake. This is my typical placement. There are occasions where I have met the people before and so I am given the cheek treatment...but those are the people who greet me with a hug so I have a clue how this meeting will end. Kids are afforded the cheek treatment simply by order of age...but one person actually said something like, next time we meet it will be a hug.
Every once in a while there is a surprise...that is what I want to talk about today. We all went out to a beer garden for dinner a few nights ago. It only sounds like palace where beer is grown. Do not make that mistake unless you wish to be laughed at...and not in a good way. Beer gardens are great for large groups since the tables are huge and great numbers of people can gather together. We had about a dozen people get together while we were in Ruth's home town. People heard that the Americans were in town and wanted to come out to meet the husband and kids of Sylvia. Understandable, I've met them...they're nice. A good time was had by all! Such a good time that we all decided to go back to one family's house for drinks after the eating had stopped. We had a great time there as well. (The kids had a particularly great time because it was the first time they encountered WiFi in a while so they were in Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat/Tumblr heaven.) We stayed about an hour and then it was time to go. Out in the front of their house we started saying our goodbyes. Sylvia got the huggy two cheeked goodbye from everyone. The kids and I got our handshakes. Then it came down to me and Claudia. Apparently there is a little known rule about the cheeky thing that I hadn't read in the small print. "When saying goodbye to the good childhood friend of your wife, it is acceptable to hug while cheeking." When we said goodbye she shook my hand, then leaned in to give a one armed hug, and then it was obvious that she was going to do the cheek to cheek. I panicked as I realized that I hadn't seen which way to go. She went right, I went left (which of course was her right), and we almost met right in the town square of Smoochville. Laugh laugh laugh...cheek to cheek...goodbye.
So it is here that I offer my advice. Always go right!
Right!
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