It's happened again...I got the face.
I should be used to the face by now but every once in a while it surprises me anew. I get the face much more from women but occasionally from men. The last time I got the face I should have seen it coming, but I boldly went where experience has told me that I should fear to tread. That's right...I told someone what I do for a living.
I sometimes get the urge to make up a career. "I'm an underwater welder on explosive oil rigs. Yeah, they only call me when all the other guys refuse to do it. You know, because I laugh in the face of danger...and I'm so tough I don't even need to wear a wet suit. The mask interferes with the shark repelling knife I am holding in my teeth." And then I would spit out a giant wad of chewing tobacco...just to prove how manly I was. I bet guys who say things like this never get the face.
Sylvia and I were out and about (oot and aboot for my Canadian readers) a while ago when she ran into someone she knew. Small talk, small talk, small talk...and then she asked, "So Jeff, what do you do?" My standard reply is "I'm a teacher." which is fortunate because, well, I am a teacher. And then she said, "What do you teach? High school? Junior high?" Ignoring the urge to make something up about teaching Chuck Norris everything he knows about Karate, or pretending that I teach anger management to violent prisoners at Quentin...IN A STEEL CAGE! No, I said, "Kindergarten." That's when she broke into the face.
It's a little difficult to describe the face unless you have seen it, but I will try. Imagine an eleven year old girl who has just listened to two and a half hours of Justin Bieber songs...while hugging his picture. Then imagine that young master Bieber sent his personal limo driver to her house with a box full of fuzzy little kittens. Get the picture? The eyebrows move together and up, the mouth becomes a small smiley "o" shape, head tilts slightly to the side, and you hear a faint, "Awwwwwwww!"
I have to admit, when I first started teaching kindergarten I didn't fully examine the ramifications of this as a job. I knew I would have to teach these four and five year olds everything about being a student. "Your bottom belongs on the chair." "Tell her you don't like when she touches your face...don't hit her." "The pencils are for writing, not eating." and my favorite, "Take that paper out of your ear!" but I didn't expect how others would react. And I certainly didn't expect the face.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I am fairly tall. I'm not a giant. I have zero prospects of being a professional basketball player and the Lifetime channel will never do a half hour special figuring out how I cope in the 'normal height' world, but at 6 foot 3 inches I do tower over my students. A lot of people (non teachers) say, Oh I bet your class is so quiet since they are scared of how tall you are. Let me (and every other teacher in America) just say, "Yeah, right." What they should say is, I feel so sorry for your back since you have to bend in half to get to their level.
It is sort of funny when you think about it, tall guy, short students, it would probably make a great movie. Let's see, Arnold Schwarzenegger could play me...yeah, he could be a policeman who kind of falls into being a teacher in a kindergarten classroom. They could call it Kindergarten Cop! Man! This is just rolling off my fingertips this morning! I have to call Universal Studios!
Actually, that is the second most comment I get when I meet people. "You should see Kindergarten Cop!" To which I say, "Really? What's it about?" There really is very little I have in common with that situation. My Arnold muscles are well hidden under a protective layer of cheeseburgers, I actually worked toward being a teacher, I didn't just fall into it, I don't teach in a little town in Oregon, and I almost never bring a gun to school. Maybe I'll just embrace the comparison. Does anyone know of a school that teaches how to speak in an Austrian Accent?
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go deliver this box full of fluffy kittens...Awwwwww.
I should be used to the face by now but every once in a while it surprises me anew. I get the face much more from women but occasionally from men. The last time I got the face I should have seen it coming, but I boldly went where experience has told me that I should fear to tread. That's right...I told someone what I do for a living.
I sometimes get the urge to make up a career. "I'm an underwater welder on explosive oil rigs. Yeah, they only call me when all the other guys refuse to do it. You know, because I laugh in the face of danger...and I'm so tough I don't even need to wear a wet suit. The mask interferes with the shark repelling knife I am holding in my teeth." And then I would spit out a giant wad of chewing tobacco...just to prove how manly I was. I bet guys who say things like this never get the face.
Sylvia and I were out and about (oot and aboot for my Canadian readers) a while ago when she ran into someone she knew. Small talk, small talk, small talk...and then she asked, "So Jeff, what do you do?" My standard reply is "I'm a teacher." which is fortunate because, well, I am a teacher. And then she said, "What do you teach? High school? Junior high?" Ignoring the urge to make something up about teaching Chuck Norris everything he knows about Karate, or pretending that I teach anger management to violent prisoners at Quentin...IN A STEEL CAGE! No, I said, "Kindergarten." That's when she broke into the face.
It's a little difficult to describe the face unless you have seen it, but I will try. Imagine an eleven year old girl who has just listened to two and a half hours of Justin Bieber songs...while hugging his picture. Then imagine that young master Bieber sent his personal limo driver to her house with a box full of fuzzy little kittens. Get the picture? The eyebrows move together and up, the mouth becomes a small smiley "o" shape, head tilts slightly to the side, and you hear a faint, "Awwwwwwww!"
I have to admit, when I first started teaching kindergarten I didn't fully examine the ramifications of this as a job. I knew I would have to teach these four and five year olds everything about being a student. "Your bottom belongs on the chair." "Tell her you don't like when she touches your face...don't hit her." "The pencils are for writing, not eating." and my favorite, "Take that paper out of your ear!" but I didn't expect how others would react. And I certainly didn't expect the face.
I'm sure it doesn't help that I am fairly tall. I'm not a giant. I have zero prospects of being a professional basketball player and the Lifetime channel will never do a half hour special figuring out how I cope in the 'normal height' world, but at 6 foot 3 inches I do tower over my students. A lot of people (non teachers) say, Oh I bet your class is so quiet since they are scared of how tall you are. Let me (and every other teacher in America) just say, "Yeah, right." What they should say is, I feel so sorry for your back since you have to bend in half to get to their level.
It is sort of funny when you think about it, tall guy, short students, it would probably make a great movie. Let's see, Arnold Schwarzenegger could play me...yeah, he could be a policeman who kind of falls into being a teacher in a kindergarten classroom. They could call it Kindergarten Cop! Man! This is just rolling off my fingertips this morning! I have to call Universal Studios!
Actually, that is the second most comment I get when I meet people. "You should see Kindergarten Cop!" To which I say, "Really? What's it about?" There really is very little I have in common with that situation. My Arnold muscles are well hidden under a protective layer of cheeseburgers, I actually worked toward being a teacher, I didn't just fall into it, I don't teach in a little town in Oregon, and I almost never bring a gun to school. Maybe I'll just embrace the comparison. Does anyone know of a school that teaches how to speak in an Austrian Accent?
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go deliver this box full of fluffy kittens...Awwwwww.
I read this out loud to Rand and could barely get through it because I was laughing so much!! Thanks Jeff. Awwww, you're so cute!
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