Ever have one of those times when you just know you are supposed to do something? I had one of those yesterday. In the span of about forty-five minutes three people asked me similar questions. "How's the blog business?", "How's the blog going?", and finally..."You better start writing again, or do I have to cut you!?" So here I sit on my first day off for Thanksgiving break and I "decided" to write this morning. Honestly, I wasn't too worried. I mean, this all happened in the courtyard at church between services...and the knife the pastor was holding was really kinda small.
I told one person that I hadn't written in a while because I was having a time-management issue and how I used to just sit down and pound out a blog in an hour before the family woke up, but that was when I had stories swishing around my brain like flies around the hind end of a cow. (some people are saying, "So that's why your writing is like that!") Now, to be honest, I have fewer stories to tell. Oh, there are still stories swishing around...doozies...but right from the start I promised that I would not use this as a place to embarrass anyone. That means there are certain timelines that are in place. There are some stories that are too fresh to be seen as funny by those involved...others I will need to write and lock in a secret facility to be published only upon my demise. I haven't written them yet...so no point bumping me off...Ya hear that pastor Mike!? (not her real name)
Yes, sadly the ideas are sometimes not as forthcoming as they have been in the past. Don't get me wrong...I could sit and pound out a group of words every day...I'm sure that some of them would even make you, laugh out loud, cry, snort, or even pee your pants (all comments that I have gotten from readers...apologies to the pee-ers...but most especially to the pee-ees) but alas, since no one has seen fit to pay me to do this I have to relegate my blog to hobby status and only write when time allows. Yes, I am spending energies on keeping my marriage and my children alive. We've just gone through another set of x-rays and specialists to find out if a wrist was broken or just sprained. Kids! What're ya gonna do!? Today, even though I am positive I turned off the alarms for my first vacation day, one snuck through the settings and I am up at six, writing without a topic...sort of.
I told myself, last night, that if I was awake early enough I would write something this morning. I didn't have a topic so I thought, I'll write about whatever pops into my head first thing in the morning. I considered writing a status on Facebook that said, "I am looking for blog topics...give me something to write about." I always feel a little sorry for people who try to get attention like that...BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEND ME SOME BLOG IDEAS HERE IN THE COMMENTS OF THIS POST I CAN GUARANTEE THAT I WILL GET TO THEM IN FUTURE BLOGS!! And this is not sad, because it's not on Facebook you see...isn't relativism wonderful!?
Back to this morning. I woke up, fed the dogs, and as I was walking back in from the back yard I heard it. "AcTIVEeeeeUHHHHHHHH." No, I didn't have the TV on. At least not one that anyone else in the world can see or hear. I heard it back in the center of the brain that is usually relegated to re-playing "It's a Small World" over and over again. Plain as day I heard the sing-songy final word of a yogurt commercial. Yes, ladies and gentlemen (and certain knife wielding clergy) the topic for today is yogurt that helps old ladies go poop. At least that is how they described it on a TV show. If you don't like it, you may lodge a complaint with my brain. Ask Sylvia for the details, she does it all the time.
In case you aren't familiar with Activia. It is a product that is packaged nicely, displayed prominently, and marketed effectively. I'm sure the only people on the planet who even knew that Activia existed were the people who were making it...enter Jamie Lee Curtis...complete with new natural hair color. You know what they say, gray is the new blond. Analysts have spent countless hours talking about how she is showing people that this product is great since she is willing to be its spokesperson looking natural. There are many commercials in the series of selling. Jamie getting up in the morning. Jamie talking to people at a cafe. Jamie in a ball gown dancing with Arnold Schwarzenegger. (But I may be thinking of a movie instead of a commercial)
Whatever the scenario, Jamie interacts with women who talk euphemistically about how this yogurt has "changed their lives." There is a lot of "moving along" talk, and how everything "got going" but they cleverly stay away from the "p" word. There are several times when Jamie does a little wiggle and moves her arms like she's hula dancing. I am guessing that this is supposed to simulate the action taking place in your large intestine. But I tell you what, I don't think I want my innards doing anything even remotely similar to the hula. In fact that may make me a little uncomfortable if I was at a staff meeting and I noticed that anyone in the room had a dancing colon. When these women are dancing the wave and talking about feeling better than they ever have in their lives, the commercial pops onto the screen (notice...there's only one "o" in pop) a disclaimer that says something like, "...when eaten three times a day." Well I'm not going near anything that is going to make my entrails shimmy...and definitely not three times a day! I'm going to predict that there is going to be a new disclaimer attached. "If your insides dance or feel like they may be wearing a grass skirt ...longer than four hours...contact your doctor."
All right, Sylvia is up. I am going to leave it here. I'm not sure if the kids are up...after I publish this my pastor will tell me where they are being held. (Kidding!)
I told one person that I hadn't written in a while because I was having a time-management issue and how I used to just sit down and pound out a blog in an hour before the family woke up, but that was when I had stories swishing around my brain like flies around the hind end of a cow. (some people are saying, "So that's why your writing is like that!") Now, to be honest, I have fewer stories to tell. Oh, there are still stories swishing around...doozies...but right from the start I promised that I would not use this as a place to embarrass anyone. That means there are certain timelines that are in place. There are some stories that are too fresh to be seen as funny by those involved...others I will need to write and lock in a secret facility to be published only upon my demise. I haven't written them yet...so no point bumping me off...Ya hear that pastor Mike!? (not her real name)
Yes, sadly the ideas are sometimes not as forthcoming as they have been in the past. Don't get me wrong...I could sit and pound out a group of words every day...I'm sure that some of them would even make you, laugh out loud, cry, snort, or even pee your pants (all comments that I have gotten from readers...apologies to the pee-ers...but most especially to the pee-ees) but alas, since no one has seen fit to pay me to do this I have to relegate my blog to hobby status and only write when time allows. Yes, I am spending energies on keeping my marriage and my children alive. We've just gone through another set of x-rays and specialists to find out if a wrist was broken or just sprained. Kids! What're ya gonna do!? Today, even though I am positive I turned off the alarms for my first vacation day, one snuck through the settings and I am up at six, writing without a topic...sort of.
I told myself, last night, that if I was awake early enough I would write something this morning. I didn't have a topic so I thought, I'll write about whatever pops into my head first thing in the morning. I considered writing a status on Facebook that said, "I am looking for blog topics...give me something to write about." I always feel a little sorry for people who try to get attention like that...BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEND ME SOME BLOG IDEAS HERE IN THE COMMENTS OF THIS POST I CAN GUARANTEE THAT I WILL GET TO THEM IN FUTURE BLOGS!! And this is not sad, because it's not on Facebook you see...isn't relativism wonderful!?
Back to this morning. I woke up, fed the dogs, and as I was walking back in from the back yard I heard it. "AcTIVEeeeeUHHHHHHHH." No, I didn't have the TV on. At least not one that anyone else in the world can see or hear. I heard it back in the center of the brain that is usually relegated to re-playing "It's a Small World" over and over again. Plain as day I heard the sing-songy final word of a yogurt commercial. Yes, ladies and gentlemen (and certain knife wielding clergy) the topic for today is yogurt that helps old ladies go poop. At least that is how they described it on a TV show. If you don't like it, you may lodge a complaint with my brain. Ask Sylvia for the details, she does it all the time.
In case you aren't familiar with Activia. It is a product that is packaged nicely, displayed prominently, and marketed effectively. I'm sure the only people on the planet who even knew that Activia existed were the people who were making it...enter Jamie Lee Curtis...complete with new natural hair color. You know what they say, gray is the new blond. Analysts have spent countless hours talking about how she is showing people that this product is great since she is willing to be its spokesperson looking natural. There are many commercials in the series of selling. Jamie getting up in the morning. Jamie talking to people at a cafe. Jamie in a ball gown dancing with Arnold Schwarzenegger. (But I may be thinking of a movie instead of a commercial)
Whatever the scenario, Jamie interacts with women who talk euphemistically about how this yogurt has "changed their lives." There is a lot of "moving along" talk, and how everything "got going" but they cleverly stay away from the "p" word. There are several times when Jamie does a little wiggle and moves her arms like she's hula dancing. I am guessing that this is supposed to simulate the action taking place in your large intestine. But I tell you what, I don't think I want my innards doing anything even remotely similar to the hula. In fact that may make me a little uncomfortable if I was at a staff meeting and I noticed that anyone in the room had a dancing colon. When these women are dancing the wave and talking about feeling better than they ever have in their lives, the commercial pops onto the screen (notice...there's only one "o" in pop) a disclaimer that says something like, "...when eaten three times a day." Well I'm not going near anything that is going to make my entrails shimmy...and definitely not three times a day! I'm going to predict that there is going to be a new disclaimer attached. "If your insides dance or feel like they may be wearing a grass skirt ...longer than four hours...contact your doctor."
All right, Sylvia is up. I am going to leave it here. I'm not sure if the kids are up...after I publish this my pastor will tell me where they are being held. (Kidding!)
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