Monday, February 20, 2012

To Buy...Or Not To Buy

Sylvia and I have been lucky enough to have friends in high places.  Some of these places include...there was the one who....and that one wouldn't really be considered a high place... well, I suppose there aren't really all that many.  But we do have friends who own timeshares and are willing to share their time with us.  I don't really want to mention their names here, (unlike my cousin Kim and her friend Bernadette who have been given the mission of spreading the word about my blog) but we have two sets of friends who have generously shared their points with us.  (I'll get to the points in a minute...which coincidentally is exactly what the salesperson told us)

I don't want to seem like I am mocking our timeshare vacations.  They have typically been offered to us at times when a.) we desperately needed to get away.  And b.) we wouldn't have been able to afford getting away unless there was some sort of "deal" on a hotel.  Last weekend was just such a time.  I told our friends that Sylvia was just about "one more thing" away from becoming a serial killer and I was equally far away from being described to reporters as "a quiet neighbor."  In comes the offer.

When our friends bought their timeshare it was in such a way that they could buy extra time (points) and pay just a tiny percentage of what they would need to pay at a hotel or to buy more permanent shares.  We pay them back for the extra points and we get to stay in a pretty nice little unit with two bedrooms, a dining room, two bathrooms, a washer and drier, a balcony, and a kitchen.  It's a little condo complex in Angels Camp, CA that we invade maybe once or twice a year.  There are so many things to do on the grounds that it would be hard to point them all out here.  The one thing that makes me hesitate to stay there at all is that they try to get you to buy in to their little slice of heaven while you stay there.

I don't want you to think that they are obnoxious.  They take "no" for an answer very easily but they try to entice you to at least listen to their spiel to see if it may be something you might be interested in.  Most of the time we politely decline.  This time we decided to take another look.  I have to admit, the $100 American Express card they offered to "just listen" was the pebble that tipped the scale.  We went in, just before we were about to head home, and told our presenter that we were essentially here for the incentive and that we really couldn't afford to buy in.  He said, "I hear that all the time!" turned the brochure booklet around to face us, started tapping his finger on all of the wonderful exotic places that we could be going to, and proceeded to give us the entire talk.

About three minutes into the talk he asked if we had ever been there and had we ever seen the movie presentation that explains how their system works.  I said an emphatic, "YES!" and I turned the booklet back toward him.  Sylvia entered a much meeker, "Maybe."  I looked at her and thought, 'I thought we agreed that we would just tell them no and then leave.'  He then turned the booklet back to us and talked about how the points worked and we explained that we knew all about it since we were riding on the points coattails of our friends.  (I turned the booklet back toward him) He, luckily, decided that we had indeed seen the movie and we wouldn't need to see it again.  Then he lowered the boom.

"You know, since you have already seen the presentation I cannot offer you the premiere package.  The cost is double and the amount you have to buy is triple so we would need to come up with $50,000 to join but it's good that we came in today because the price would be going up at the end of the month."  He turned the book back toward us.  "Suppose you wanted to go to Hawaii...take a look at how few points you will need!"

I excused myself so I could unscrew my hollow leg and shake all the stacks of hundreds and twenties out so we could pay for this and said, "I think we are done.  There is no way we could afford anything even close to this and I was even thinking that we couldn't really afford to buy our friends' extra points for the weekend."   (but we couldn't afford not to since prison uniform orange really isn't Sylvia's color). I turned the booklet back toward him. He wouldn't let us up.  He started talking money.  He asked, "How many days do you stay in a hotel per year? How many days a year do you go camping?"  He then did some calculating on what looked to be the largest calculator that I had ever seen, and announced proudly, "Over the next forty years you will have wasted $46,000!  Not accounting for inflation.  Can't you see that!?"  (Booklet back toward us.)

I said quietly, "No, we won't have wasted anything.  We got away.  We have memories.  We got a return on our investment."

"Yes, but you will have nothing to show for it!"

"Well, if I am hearing you correctly, since we no longer qualify for the premiere plan then after forty years we will still have nothing to show for it since we are only able to rent these shares for the next forty years.  Unlike the premiere owners who get to will theirs to their kids."

"Umm, yes, but you are owners until then."  He then said, out of the blue, "You look like an author.  Are you an author?"

I was taken aback.  "Um yes...sort of...I write a blog."

"That's awesome.  I don't know.  You just look like you write."

That gave me an idea.  I turned the booklet back toward him and started tapping on all the pages.  I said, "I'll tell you what.  Here's the deal.  Your company gives me 50,000 points.  My family and I will travel all over the world using these points and then I will write all about our experiences in my blog.  It'll be great!  You will have more customers than you will know what to do with!  Lines outside the door!  You'll run out of American Express cards!  What do you think!?"

At this point he laughed, closed the book and put it away.  And this was the first time he wasn't absolutely sure of what to say, "We can't do...advertising team...whole division...any other questions? heh heh"

We got information for my dad and Sylvia's mom (it really does seem like a nice idea...we just really can't afford it) and went to collect our AmEx cards, gave it to our friends to help offset the cost of the weekend, and went on our merry way.

In closing, I would like to offer all of you first time readers a premiere membership in my blog. (My booklet is still being printed...just imagine that I am turning to toward you)  For the low low cost of "FREE" you can become a follower, share it on Facebook, and even write comments to me.  But hurry, corporate has informed me that there are big changes coming at the end of the month...I don't know what they are yet, but they are big.  I would hate for you to only be able to get the standard readership which involves all of the benefits of premiere but means that you have to also come and do a brake job on my truck.  Bring your own tools.

1 comment:

  1. Funny..I just took advantage of a timeshare offer in Hawaii! Just made my 2-hr presentation appointment. Got to remember what you said!

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