My sister's birthday is here. She had a party and we weren't able to make it. I decided to send a letter as a greeting. She just gave me permission to include it in the blog. Here it is:
Greetings Sister Oh-Mine!
(not to be confused with Sister O’Mine, the Irish nun from
the convent down the road.)
(Really really not to be confused with Sister Ermine, the
exotic dancer who insists on wearing fur during her act. (Although, you do tend to pay for a ridiculous
amount of things with dollar bills.))
But I digress…
Happy Birthday!
I thought I would take this opportunity to wax poetic on the
anniversary of your birth. “Poetic” is,
of course, what we named the van. I’m
not sure that waxing it will have an appreciable effect on the enjoyment of
your day, but it is what it is.
I cannot believe you have been cruising around the globe for
a half a century! (To those listening or
reading…In case she hasn't revealed her true age to a significant amount of
people…I failed math and ‘half a century’ is the term I use for 29 years.) I do want to point out, though, that the A.A.R.P. Gestapo have been camped out on
your lawn for about a month…armed with a sensible sweater, a dollar cup of
coffee from McDonald’s, and a ginormous hourglass. (I have no idea why the guy wearing the black
robe keeps tapping the top of it with his scythe…I wouldn't worry about it.)
Being your brother (your much, much younger brother…by the
way) has had its ups and downs. Most
notably when you were learning how to drive and you plowed up one side of the traffic island, and bounced down the other side! (Have
no fear. I think the statute of
limitations on getting into trouble for that ran out about 32 years ago…which
is odd since you are only 29. (Just go
with it…I think we are fooling everyone!))
We are very sorry that we will not make it to the party
tonight. I thought about sending you
this greeting in a telegram so that someone could read it aloud and it would
count as being there. A few
problems: First, Have you noticed how
long this is STOP I tend to be a little wordy STOP
I would hate to have to tell the kids that they cannot go to college
since I decided to send a note to Aunt Susie STOP Second, we do not live
in a movie from the fifties STOP
There was something to do with
fifties though…I forget what it was STOP And lastly, I am bringing the entire clan up
to see you tomorrow STOP
Anyway, should you begin to feel sad about this particular
milestone birthday STOP If you have
any ideas about retaliation toward your brother STOP If you start to think that this was done with anything but love
in mind STOP If, however, you are
having the time of your life DON’T STOP!
Happy Birthday Sis,
I Love You,
Bro
P.S. The van looks really great! If that helps.
No comments:
Post a Comment