I've never been terribly comfortable with the label "people watcher" so I never applied it to myself. I do, however, sometimes notice things about human beings that makes it nearly impossible for me to focus on another detail of my life until I relay what I have seen to someone else. OK, so I people watch. As for the 'relaying it to someone else' part, well that is where you come in...and writing a blog is much cheaper than therapy.
Yesterday, in our local supermarket (which shall be named and promoted as soon as they start sponsoring my blog) I saw the toughest woman I have ever seen outside of a "Scared Straight: Female Lockdown" after school special. I first noticed her hair. It was slicked back but not plastered to her head. It was something that I would have liked to achieve when we had 'fifties' spirit days in high school. I was never able to get my hair to stay back like that without being all greasy and then looking like I needed to put tape around the middle of my glasses...the tape would, of course, be color coordinated to my pocket protector though. This woman looked like she had been doing this same style so often that she just needed to scowl into the mirror and her hair would obediently move into place out of fear. It looked like the kind of hair that Fonzie's mother would have.
That was actually the next thing I noticed, she was old enough to be Fonzie's mother! I am horrible at guessing ages. I would never presume to guess a lady's age. But let me just say that this woman had witnessed a number of decades...perhaps a couple more than me. That's as close as I am going to go since I don't want her to track me down and beat me up. She also looked like she was outside quite a bit judging from the depth of her tan. I suspect she works on the pit crew for a funny car.
The next thing I noticed were the tattoos that were poking out of the sleeves of her printed tee shirt. I have nothing against tattoos. I don't assign any particular feeling to a tattoo. I have some very good friends who have gotten tattoos...yesterday! In fact there are two designs that I would consider for my own body...if I weren't afraid of ten thousand needles. I personally have no problem with them. I will, sometimes, question the placement, or content of, certain tattoos. You never want your kids to look at a tattoo and ask, "Daddy, is that lady in the picture going to nurse that man? He's not a baby!" "Ooh, honey, look over here at the building! Isn't that a nice building!?"
No this woman's 'tats' didn't appear to be inappropriate. She also didn't have cartoon characters or swirly flowers. This woman's tattoos looked like they were the tribal tattoos of the Maori, just not on her face. The thick swirls poking out of her sleeve could, I suppose, be the tail of a unicorn, but I will tell you this, that would be one badass unicorn! And it would have sharp teeth. Something else about her tattoos, they were not the old purple-faded-into-oblivion unrecognizable blobs that are often seen on people of advanced age. No, these were crisp and clear and looked like they could have just been done.
Overall this woman looked to be exceptionally tough. She is the kind of woman who, if someone ever tried to foolishly steal her purse, would be able to take care of herself. In fact when the police finally arrived they would find her sitting atop the delirious punk, smoking an unfiltered Camel, rubbing her jaw and saying, "You got a pretty good punch kid."
So you get the idea. Tough. And yet...looks can be deceiving. Just moments after I had made my observations and decided to let it go even though she had seventeen items in the 15 items or less line, she reached out and picked up a pack of gum. (eighteenth item, but who's counting) What struck me was her choice of gum...this tougher than tough looking woman went straight for the Juicy Fruit. Not only was it Juicy Fruit, it was the one that comes in a bright pink wrapper! Talk about unexpected! A woman like this should be chewing "Tar-O" The jet black gum, now with pieces of gravel for extra texture. Nope, she picked up the bright pink package. I was intrigued! I leaned forward a little to see the next pack of bright pink gum to see if I was really seeing what I was seeing. Then I saw it, "Sugar Free!"
I'm sorry! I don't care how tough you look, how cool your hair is, how fresh your tattoos are...you cannot be tough if you buy sugar free Juicy Fruit gum in a bright pink package!!! So I stole her purse. (just kidding)
Yesterday, in our local supermarket (which shall be named and promoted as soon as they start sponsoring my blog) I saw the toughest woman I have ever seen outside of a "Scared Straight: Female Lockdown" after school special. I first noticed her hair. It was slicked back but not plastered to her head. It was something that I would have liked to achieve when we had 'fifties' spirit days in high school. I was never able to get my hair to stay back like that without being all greasy and then looking like I needed to put tape around the middle of my glasses...the tape would, of course, be color coordinated to my pocket protector though. This woman looked like she had been doing this same style so often that she just needed to scowl into the mirror and her hair would obediently move into place out of fear. It looked like the kind of hair that Fonzie's mother would have.
That was actually the next thing I noticed, she was old enough to be Fonzie's mother! I am horrible at guessing ages. I would never presume to guess a lady's age. But let me just say that this woman had witnessed a number of decades...perhaps a couple more than me. That's as close as I am going to go since I don't want her to track me down and beat me up. She also looked like she was outside quite a bit judging from the depth of her tan. I suspect she works on the pit crew for a funny car.
The next thing I noticed were the tattoos that were poking out of the sleeves of her printed tee shirt. I have nothing against tattoos. I don't assign any particular feeling to a tattoo. I have some very good friends who have gotten tattoos...yesterday! In fact there are two designs that I would consider for my own body...if I weren't afraid of ten thousand needles. I personally have no problem with them. I will, sometimes, question the placement, or content of, certain tattoos. You never want your kids to look at a tattoo and ask, "Daddy, is that lady in the picture going to nurse that man? He's not a baby!" "Ooh, honey, look over here at the building! Isn't that a nice building!?"
No this woman's 'tats' didn't appear to be inappropriate. She also didn't have cartoon characters or swirly flowers. This woman's tattoos looked like they were the tribal tattoos of the Maori, just not on her face. The thick swirls poking out of her sleeve could, I suppose, be the tail of a unicorn, but I will tell you this, that would be one badass unicorn! And it would have sharp teeth. Something else about her tattoos, they were not the old purple-faded-into-oblivion unrecognizable blobs that are often seen on people of advanced age. No, these were crisp and clear and looked like they could have just been done.
Overall this woman looked to be exceptionally tough. She is the kind of woman who, if someone ever tried to foolishly steal her purse, would be able to take care of herself. In fact when the police finally arrived they would find her sitting atop the delirious punk, smoking an unfiltered Camel, rubbing her jaw and saying, "You got a pretty good punch kid."
So you get the idea. Tough. And yet...looks can be deceiving. Just moments after I had made my observations and decided to let it go even though she had seventeen items in the 15 items or less line, she reached out and picked up a pack of gum. (eighteenth item, but who's counting) What struck me was her choice of gum...this tougher than tough looking woman went straight for the Juicy Fruit. Not only was it Juicy Fruit, it was the one that comes in a bright pink wrapper! Talk about unexpected! A woman like this should be chewing "Tar-O" The jet black gum, now with pieces of gravel for extra texture. Nope, she picked up the bright pink package. I was intrigued! I leaned forward a little to see the next pack of bright pink gum to see if I was really seeing what I was seeing. Then I saw it, "Sugar Free!"
I'm sorry! I don't care how tough you look, how cool your hair is, how fresh your tattoos are...you cannot be tough if you buy sugar free Juicy Fruit gum in a bright pink package!!! So I stole her purse. (just kidding)
Funny guy!
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