It Ripped...

Sylvia was a little upset with me for teasing her about the gingerbread a while back, and even though something is happening to Sylvia right now that is terribly funny, I think I will pick on someone else today. Of course when I say she was upset I mean that she said she was upset, then she hit me on my shoulder, then she smiled that adorable smile that I just love to stare at. She either wants me to continue teasing her or she doesn't quite understand what would get me to stop. If she was really upset this would be a full retraction where I claimed, as they do at the end of movies, the scenarios depicted here are false and bear no intentional similarity to persons living or dead (or undead if I started writing about zombies). Also, you would be able to tell that I was writing this while sitting in the dog house in the backyard.

I'm not...let's start talking about Craig.

This is actually a summer memory from a hot northern California camping trip many years ago. Did I say hot? Scalding, would be a little more honest. Scalding? Ok, if I dropped a steel bar on the ground it would have melted into a tiny little puddle of silver. This was the temperature of the campground that Craig's parents took us to. I didn't mind. It meant that Craig and I had an excuse to walk to the snack bar window at the main entrance and get soft serve ice cream cones...every day. Of course we could have gotten them every hour and still not been cool enough. Did I mention that it was hot?

Enough of that. Craig's family was nice enough to take me camping with them a few years. They would always go to Burney Falls and I loved it! I did! I really did! But one year they weren't so convinced. Our story happened that year.

We were camping like always and it was as hot as it had ever been, but this year I wasn't feeling 100%. I forget what it was but I remember that I was a little more quiet than my normally introverted self. I'm pretty sure Craig's parents were sure that I was having a miserable time and were a little worried about me. Let me take care of this right now:

Mr. and Mrs. Kaul, I thoroughly enjoyed all the times we were together and I was thrilled to be included in your family.

So anyway, we were about halfway into the week-long trip when we were all sitting around the campfire. (I know I said it was hot. It's a camping thing. Try it, you'll like it.) Unlike most of my stories I have no idea about the details surrounding the main event. We were probably talking. Most likely there were marshmallows. Decisions were being made about when to fish Hat Creek and when to fish Lake Britton. We probably saw a tiny nearly see-through scorpion or two in the waning light. And then out of no where Craig said, "It ripped."

Everyone looked at him wondering where that came from. While I don't remember the conversation, I do remember that it had nothing to do with things that might rip; not now, or ever. Since he didn't provide any context, the conversation continued. Back to the similarity of Crystal Lake and how we didn't really want to fish there since the last scene of the original "Friday the 13th" had taken place on a lake like that. More marshmallows....then Craig.

"It ripped some more..."

Now he, and his cryptic sentences, had our complete attention. Everyone turned to see what on Earth he was talking about. I grew up watching Quincy, Columbo, and Ellory Queen. I was as ready as the next guy to solve a riddle. It didn't help. There was no time. As soon as everyone looked Craig's way he went from sitting on a stool to sitting on the dirt as fast as gravity could take him. It was like he was the Coyote just outwitted by the Road Runner but he wanted to announce to all of us that he only just realized there was no longer a solid ground under him. Poooooomf! Down he went! The canvas on the director chair style stool he sat on had officially seen its last camping trip.

And I started laughing. Not, tee hee, oh my wasn't that amusing. (in a British accent for some reason) I erupted with laughter on top of laughter. I could only stop long enough to repeat, "It ripped! It ripped some more!" and then start all over again like it was happening over and over just for my own personal instant replay! I forgot about not feeling well. Mr. and Mrs. were now certain that I wasn't going to try to hitchhike home. And I had a new memory to access whenever I want to just really bring a smile to my face. I also have a story to tell every time I see a camper bring a director chair stool to the campfire.

How much will it cost to make her happy?

How much will it cost to make her happy?

That's the question I asked myself about four years ago when Sylvia, my wife, talked to me about this new "stuff" that Yvonne had given her. Sylvia had been sick for quite a while and our friend Yvonne gave her some of this stuff called "Thieves" to help her feel better while they were away together at a retreat. Yvonne, like Sylvia, can't stand to see someone not feeling their best. Sylvia breathed in the Thieves... She rubbed it on her chest... She rubbed it on her feet.... She felt better... And then she came home.

Growing up part time in Europe Sylvia used to get herbs and tinctures and drinks (even one made from 'stinging nettle') whenever she was sick. Her great aunt Tante Mali would see her sniffle, cough, or sneeze and she was off to the scary basement to concoct something to help. This Thieves stuff made her feel like she was doing things the European way. She explained all this to me when she was explaining that she wanted to buy some of it from Yvonne. "Yeah mmhmmm sure. Makes you feel like home? Sounds good. Get it." So she bought Thieves.

And then the hammer dropped. "You know...Yvonne said that this Thieves stuff is not the only stuff they have." Ok, uh oh, you now have my attention...and the attention of our checkbook. Just exactly how many other things do they have? That one bottle of Thieves wasn't exactly expensive but I wouldn't say that the tiny bottle was cheap. Even if you do only use a drop at a time. I braced myself, "Ok, let's hear it."

Well, there's this one for this, and that one for that. Some of them are singles and some of them are blends. There's a drink you can get. I've always been interested in doing things like they did in Germany and I think these things would let me do some of that. 

I could tell that she was sold. In my head I was thinking something along the lines of, "How much will it cost us to make her happy?" That really is my goal. Making her happy. I can't get you a 3 carat diamond tennis bracelet, but I can make your coffee the right way. I can't take you on an Alaskan cruise, but I can open your car door for you. So I asked, "Which ones were you thinking about getting?" 

Well, I wanted to get this and that and also that...and all that would cost about $100. (Yikes!) But they have a kit that's got the three I want and eight more and it would only cost about $160 dollars, AND it comes with a diffuser that lets you put them into the air so it gets to the whole room. 

After the "SpRoInG!!!" sound subsided in my brain I told her that we would need to plan for a few months to make that happen. We were pretty stretched at the time. I agreed to set a little aside every month for three months and then we'd get it. After all, I had been hearing about her German 'potions' for our entire marriage. A little piece of my immature and wildly imaginative brain had visions of her standing in a laboratory on a stormy night shouting, "He's alive! Alive!"

We saved, we bought, and we have never been happier! If we have a sniffle, a cough, a sneeze or anything else, Sylvia is off to her little corner of the kitchen (we don't have a scary basement) where she comes up with something that will help us all feel better. She has taken to helping people outside the family as well. Tante Mali would be very proud. In fact that $160 investment has helped us not only with our health but with our finances as well. 

I'll explain more later...but if you don't want to wait you can send me a message. I'd be more than happy to talk to you. Sylvia's website is also available if you want to explore for yourself. Here's the link: Sylvia's Site