Bravery Redefined

I have just witnessed the bravest act that I have ever seen! I have seen many acts of bravery in my life but this man's act was amazing. Crawling to safety from a car about to explode? Nothing. Plucking a stroller off the tracks with the train speeding inches away? Yawn. Telling the human gorilla that the tattoo on his face is spelled incorrectly? In a heartbeat.

This? Never!

And this act was so subtle, the untrained eye could have missed it entirely. I, becoming quite the observer, picked up on it right away. There was electricity in the air... The hairs on the back of my neck were on end... Time slowed down.... and then it happened. A male colleague of mine said, and I quote, "So, when's it due?" Let me end the suspense and say, he was right. Eight and a half months right! And still I was in awe.

I may have mentioned before that I consider myself somewhat socially inept. I seem to have a knack for choosing the wrong time to notice, comment on, or do certain things. As I grow older I am trying to live by the adage, "It is better to be silent and thought the fool, than to speak and prove it." I even went to a Halloween party some time ago where a person I had never met had the worst teeth I had ever seen. I did NOT say, "Whoa! Nice teeth!"

I am trying to go to the extreme in terms of keeping my foot out of my mouth. I mean I use that for eating! (my mouth, not my foot) With that in mind it should be no surprise that I will never, ever, ask the "when is it due" question!

I know someone who used to sell foundations...in some crowds that may be a place to put a house. In this case, foundations is a fancy way of saying undergarments. Specifically women's undergarments. And now that I mention it, a foundation for a house is to hold it up...a foundation for a woman is to hol.... never mind.

Anyway, this woman told me a story about how she was done fitting someone into her new accoutrement and the lady started to pick out more of the same size but different colors. My friend, trying to be helpful, told her that it might be best if she were to save her money at this time. She explained that this one fits now and that would do, but sizes change and she should wait until after the baby to stock up on more variety. You can already hear it coming, right?

"What baby?" (complete with the iciest stare that I have ever heard described.)

No, No, NO! Not gonna do it. Not this cowboy! Never shall I mention "the baby" or it's impending due date. Not even with a signed note from my wife, not even with a sonogram in hand, not even with one of those t-shirts with the arrow that says, "BABY!"

I once told an unmarked policeman that I thought he was an ass for tailgating me and then giving me a ticket for trying to get out of his way. I once walked through a group of bikers to get into my car. I routinely stand in front of a group of twenty seven 5 year-olds who expect me to entertain and teach them daily! Even with all of my faux bravery, I will never match the bravery that was accomplished this afternoon! I am impressed!

Now, if I happen to see a woman, in the back of a taxi, and I hear what sounds like a baby crying from under her skirt...I will probably comment on what an interesting choice of ring tone she has, and call it a day!